


No one reaches their hands to falling petals

by ukyoish



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: A Lot Of Flashbacks/Time Skips Because I Don't Know How To Write, Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time, First Time(s), Frottage, Gen Is Kind Of A Fuckboy, Hanahaki Disease, In Love With Childhood Best Friend, M/M, No Sex, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining while fucking, Possible Character Death, Senku Has Hanahaki Disease, Senku Is Soft, Senku Just Needs A Hug, Senku Literally Coughs And Vomits Flowers It's Kinda Gross, angst with possible happy ending, english isn't my first language, feelings of unrequited love, limited time, other characters appear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:29:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukyoish/pseuds/ukyoish
Summary: Love is a disease.Testosterone. Estrogen. Vasopressin. Dopamine.Love, after all, it’s only some chemical reactions our body releases. If those didn’t exist, humans wouldn’t feel love.Thousands of people would have a better life if they could just make their feelings disappear, right?
Relationships: Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu
Comments: 58
Kudos: 307





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, my twitter is @ukyoish

After some sleepless nights, Senku had been able to finish his essay for his Chemistry class. He had been working on it for months now, but he somehow didn’t find inspiration enough to write about the topic he’d chosen.

Was love really a disease or not? 

Every day, all the cases of the new disease, now called “Hanahaki disease”, made people ask themselves whether love was a good thing or not. All those Hollywood films where the pair always lived happily ever after, or the books where, after some angst, the protagonists discover their true love for each other, were now looked down upon.

  
  
  
  


When Senku first read about it on the news, he thought it was a hoax. 

“Do you think it’s real, Senku?” His friend Yuzuriha asked while they were on the cafeteria eating, and the blonde shook his head, frowning.

“How could that be real? It sounds like something out of a fairytale.” He answered while taking another bite of his food. Before Yuzuriha could insist, Gen, Senku’s childhood best friend, sat down on the table eyeing them curiously.

“What are you both talking about?” He asked, his dark blue eyes now fixed on Senku. He smiled as if he had something to tell him, and the blonde just looked away, because he knew damn well what that smile meant. 

“The Hanahaki disease. Do you think it’s real, Gen?” Yuzuriha asked, and his friend chuckled instantly, swinging an arm over her shoulders.

“Dear Yuzuriha, if that disease was real, this whole university would be coughing flowers for me right now.” He said with a cocky smile on his face, and the brunette girl pushed him away.

“You’re so hot-headed, Gen Asagiri.” 

He winked at Yuzuriha and looked over at Senku, who was focused on his food. “What can I say, I’m the prettiest boy in this uni.”

Gen’s words had stuck with Senku for months now. At first, it was a sense of uneasiness that didn’t seem to leave him alone, and the more he researched the new disease for his essay, that uneasiness started turning into panic.

Maybe that disease was real. Maybe all of what he was reading was real. Just how 25,000 people on the world had it now, he could have it.

Because he’d been in love with Gen, his childhood best friend, since he was twelve. 

  
  
  
  


“Senku?” His Chemistry teacher called him, and the blonde shook his head, going back to reality. 

“Yes, sorry.” Senku said, blinking a few times and trying to concentrate.

“I was saying that it looks like a really neat essay. I’ll send you an email with my thoughts once I finish it.” The teacher said, and Senku was going to say something when he started coughing. “Hey, are you okay?” 

Senku nodded, still coughing, until he did it hard enough for whatever it was causing it to go away. When he looked at the hand he’d used to cover his hand, he froze.

There was a flower petal on his palm.

“I’m fine, sorry.” Senku said, tightening his fist around the petal and trying his best to look calm. “I think I have a fever.”

“Don’t overwork yourself, okay?” The teacher said, concerned, and Senku nodded, walking towards the door. “You should go home.” 

“I will, don’t worry.” The blonde said, rapidly exiting the class and rushing to the bathroom. 

He walked towards the bathroom through the packed hallways, clutching his fist against his chest until he arrived, instantly entering a stall and sitting down on the floor. 

Senku was sure it had all been a hallucination. It  _ had  _ to be. 

He slowly opened his fist, and his heart stopped when he saw the small flower petal on his palm. 

It was small and pure white, a little bit wet because of Senku’s saliva. He took a deep breath, his whole body shaking, and threw the petal to the toilet, rapidly flushing it away. 

He pressed his back against the stall, panting, and brushed off the sweat that was trickling down his forehead. 

_ Shit.  _

  
  
  
  


“Hey, Senku-chan.” Gen’s voice on the other side of the line sounded cheerful, and the blonde rubbed his temples, willing his heart to slow down. “Remember we had dinner today?” 

Senku was going to try and find an excuse not to hang out with Gen that night, but his best friend talked first, his cheery tone still there.

“I didn’t manage to get a reservation at the restaurant I suggested, so I just took some take out and I’m arriving at your house now.” 

The blonde instantly sat up from his desk chair.

“Wait, Gen-...” Before he could say anything to turn down his best friend’s offer, he was interrupted by the sound of his doorbell. Gen hung up, and the doorbell rang again. Senku sighed and rubbed his eyes, exasperated, before walking to the front door and opening it.

“There you are!” He instantly left the plastic bag on the floor before throwing his arms around the blonde’s neck, hugging him tightly. “I haven’t seen you in almost three weeks.” Gen said once he backed away, pouting. 

Senku frowned and pressed his index finger against his friend’s forehead, softly pushing him away. “It was only for two weeks. As if you’d miss me in such a short amount of time.” 

Gen grabbed the plastic bag again before following Senku to the kitchen table. The blonde started laying the table while his best friend took all the food out of the bag.

“Of course I missed you.” Senku scoffed at those words, but didn’t say anything. “And I have something to tell you.” 

The blonde instantly halted, knowing well the tone of Gen’s voice. Now he understood his cheeriness. It wasn’t because he was seeing his childhood best friend after two weeks apart, as much as Senku would like it to be. 

“I have a date tomorrow.”

  
  
  
  


“So, tell me about that date.” Senku said, taking another bite of his food and trying to seem like he wasn’t hurt by the topic.

He hated it. 

Gen had always been the outgoing of the two, so it wasn’t surprising how popular he’d become at uni. Ever since he had that “makeover” —he had dyed half of his hair white, not really a big deal— everyone at university was interested in him. He knew he had the looks and the intelligence to win over just about anyone, and it showed in the way his confidence had grown in such a short amount of time. 

And he had dated about half of the students on their campus so far, and he didn’t seem like wanting to stop anytime soon. 

“He’s so pretty, like straight out a magazine. Even you’d be attracted to him.” Gen said, taking a bite of his food and looking over at the blonde.

Senku frowned, taking a sip of water before speaking. “I doubt it. We have different tastes.”

A lie. 

It wasn’t because his taste in guys was different from Gen’s, it was just exclusive to his best friend. He was the only person he’d ever feel attracted to, and he didn’t think that would change anytime soon. 

Sure, he had tried dating other people in the past just to know if he could ever get over Gen, but it was  _ impossible. _ His best friend was on his mind almost constantly, like a weird presence that followed Senku everywhere he went.

“You’re right.” Gen hummed, taking another bite of his food happily. He was going to say something else when the blonde started coughing. “Hey, are you okay?”

Senku left the glass of water on the table, covering his mouth with his hands and coughing as soft as he could, even if he could feel his whole body spasm with every cough he was keeping in. 

“I’m fine.” He managed to say before standing up and rushing to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He knelt down next to the toilet and started coughing harder, trying to get out whatever was blocking his throat.

Senku stopped when he finally coughed it out, his whole body freezing when two white petals fell to the toilet water almost harmoniously, as if he hadn’t spat them seconds ago. 

He sat down on the floor, feeling his body slightly shake with fear and his mind clouded, thousands of thoughts rushing through it.

_ This can’t be happening.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and a comment!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	2. First kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, my twitter is @ukyoish

“I don’t get it, Chrome.” Kohaku sighed, her eyes fixed on her friend. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” The brunette said with his lips in a pout, leaving his pen on the table before glaring at his friend. “It’s romantic.”

“What’s romantic about wanting your first kiss to be the exact replica of a film kiss? Are you just going to stop whoever is going to kiss you and be like “hold up, we have to do it like this”?” Kohaku questioned, spinning her pen on her hand almost magically.

“You wouldn’t get it.” Chrome sighed, looking over at Senku, whose eyes were fixed on his notebook. He was writing frantically and muttering under his breath, as if he was making calculations. “Senku?”

The blonde instantly looked up, closing his notebook. “Yes, sorry. I was distracted by a math problem.”

Lying now came almost automatically. These past few days, lying was the only thing true in his life. Now that he thought about it, he realized it was so sad. He shouldn’t be hiding it. 

Senku had started noting down all the times he coughed or vomited flowers, and he was realising there was a pattern:

The standard was two petals a day, one in the morning and another one in the afternoon. If he thought about Gen longer than a few minutes, the urge to cough would come. He had tried evading it, but it was impossible. If he hung out with Gen, he had to force himself to be as calm as possible. If his best friend mentioned a date or touched him, Senku had to rush to the bathroom and he’d throw up several petals. 

It was insufferable. 

And worst of all, he didn’t see a way out. 

“How would you like your first kiss to be?” Chrome asked, and Senku’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I already had it.” The blonde answered, his eyes traveling to both of their faces. 

Kohaku and Chrome gaped at him, surprised. The brunette opened his mouth to ask something but he closed it again, incapable of finding the right words.

“Are you kidding me? I didn’t even think you could _feel_ an attraction towards someone.” Kohaku mocked, smiling when a faint blush spread over Senku’s face.

“I was drunk and I don’t remember most of it. Whatever.” 

Saying that was easier than explaining why Gen and he had kissed two years ago, alone in Senku’s house, and both of them perfectly aware of what was happening. 

  
  
  
  


“I have a date tomorrow.” Gen sighed, dropping down on the sofa and looking over at the blonde, who had been focused on a science book before his best friend had come over to his house.

“Really? With whom?” Senku asked with his eyes fixed on the book, ignoring the way his stomach had turned. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Gen waved his hand dramatically before sighing again. “I’m really nervous.”

“Why?” Senku asked, finally looking at him. The black-haired boy had his eyes fixed on the ceiling, pouting.

The blonde’s eyes traveled from the way his profile looked, his blue eyes shining with the light that entered through the windows, to the slow movement of his chest rising and falling with every breath.

“I think she wants me to kiss her.” 

_She._ That word echoed on Senku’s mind, and the blonde tried focusing back on his book, ignoring the way his mind was reprimanding him for even thinking Gen could also be attracted to men. 

“Aren’t you happy about that?” Senku asked, and Gen groaned, covering his eyes with his forearm. He sighed and then chuckled, as if he was thinking of something embarrassing.

“I’ve never kissed anyone.” Gen said, and Senku felt a slight wave of relief wash over him. “What if I’m bad at it and she doesn’t like it? That’d be so embarrassing.” He knelt on the sofa, his hands resting on his lap and looking at the blonde with his dark blue eyes wide open. He grabbed Senku’s wrist before speaking. “Can I kiss you?”

The blonde instantly had to look back at him, his brows knitted in confusion. He pulled away from Gen’s grip, suddenly feeling his heart rapidly beating inside his chest.

“What?” 

“Can I kiss you? Just to make sure I’m not bad at it.” 

Senku stared at Gen for a few seconds, his brain trying to process what his best friend had just asked him to do. He frowned again, and looked back at his book, although he felt his face blush.

“Why would you do that? It’s stupid. You’ll see if you’re bad at it tomorrow.” He watched from the corner of his eye how Gen pouted, staring at him.

“Come on, Senku-chan. Do it for me. Please.” Gen insisted, brushing his black hair away from his face. “Pretty please?” He whispered, leaning a bit closer to Senku. 

The blonde shuddered just at the thought of kissing Gen. He tried reading the words on the book, but they were all meaningless, his focus shifted on his best friend’s gaze on him.

“I’ve never kissed anyone either, so I’d be useless. How can I know if you kiss badly if I’ve never kissed anyone else before?” 

Gen sighed and got closer to him, his knees brushing against Senku’s thighs. He grabbed the blonde’s book from his hands before closing it and leaving it on the table. 

“Well, if you like it that means I’m a good kisser, right?” 

Senku knew he was going to like it no matter what. Gen’s eyes fell down to the blonde’s lips, and he licked his own before looking back at his ruby eyes. 

“Please?” He asked again, his nose brushing against the blonde’s cheek. Senku sighed, trying to sound annoyed by it. 

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” He said, and Gen smiled before swinging one leg over Senku’s body, sitting on his lap. 

“Isn’t it beautiful for your first kiss to be with your childhood best friend?” He asked, grabbing Senku’s hands and putting them on his waist. “Can I kiss you now?” He whispered, and Senku felt his face heat up. 

“Shouldn’t you be the one under?” The blonde asked, and Gen frowned confused.

“What?”

“Isn’t it more common for the girl to be the one on top?” Senku asked, and his friend pursed his lips, seriously considering the blonde’s question. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Gen waved his hand after a few seconds in silence. He got closer to Senku, their noses almost touching, and the blonde’s grip tightened on his waist unconsciously. “I think I like being on top better.” He whispered. They were so close Senku could feel his breath on the corner on his mouth, and he felt his skin tingle.

“Just get this over with.” Senku whispered back, trying to sound annoyed by what they were about to do. Gen chuckled nervously before finally pressing their lips together. 

Senku really thought he was going to die right then and there.

At first they didn’t move their lips much, just testing what it felt like, trying their best to follow the other. 

Then Gen shyly slipped his tongue inside the blonde’s mouth, and Senku felt his hands tremble on his friend’s waist. 

His lips were soft and sweet, probably because of something he had eaten before coming over. They moved slowly, almost tentatively, against Senku’s lips, and when they finally backed away, both of them panting and feeling their own hearts so rapidly beating they thought they were going to faint, Gen chuckled and kissed the blonde’s cheek, his hand going up to the blonde’s nape and slowly brushing his hair. 

“How was it?” He whispered, and Senku took a deep breath before answering.

“It was okay, I guess.” 

That was the part that hurt the most, the lying. He really wanted to tell him he suddenly felt the urge to kiss him again, as long as he needed to feel satisfied, even if his lungs gave out and he died.

“Just okay?” Gen clicked his tongue and slightly shook his head, disappointed. “I’ll have to do it again, just to make sure I do it well tomorrow.” He leaned towards the blonde again, but before their lips met, Senku pushed him away and back the sofa.

He rubbed his temples groaning, feeling his head starting to ache. “You had enough. Let me read in peace.”

“Ah, Senku-chan.” Gen pouted, looking at the blonde. “You’re so mean. I wanted to practice a bit more.” 

Senku tightened his fist on his lap before sighing and taking back his book, trying to calm down all the thoughts that were rushing through his mind. 

He had kissed Gen. And both of them wanted to do it again. 

“You’ll practice with her tomorrow. Now leave me alone.”

  
  
  


Sometimes he’d doubted the existence of that moment. Before sleeping he’d remember the feeling Gen’s weight on his lap, the way his tongue had shyly slipped inside Senku’s…

“Who was she?” Kohaku’s voice snapped the blonde back to reality.

“Umm… I- I don’t even remember her name.” Senku lied again, and Kohaku snorted, looking back at Chrome, who was still looking at his friend with his eyes wide open. 

“How bad am I doing it if Senku got his first kiss way before I did?” His two friends chuckled, but the blonde couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt the now familiar feeling of something going up to his throat and instantly stood up.

“I’ll come back in a minute.” He said before rushing out of the library and into the bathroom. 

Three petals, at once. And he wasn’t even hanging out with Gen. 

He needed to find someone who could help, and he needed to find it _fast._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and a comment!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	3. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)

Senku was pretty sure he was going crazy. 

He had been hauled up in his room the whole weekend, constantly reading about the Hanahaki disease on the internet.

And the things he had been reading were beautifully horrible. 

Turns out the flower you vomited depends on the person you love, and after some research, he found which one was his: black nightshade. 

It was a pretty flower, only if he wasn’t the one vomiting it.

His eyes darted away from his computer screen the second his mobile phone started ringing. He groaned when he saw Gen’s name on the screen, but still picked up.

“Yes?” 

“Senku-chan,” Gen’s voice sounded happy, as always. It only made the blonde’s mood worse. “Can I stay over today? We can have pizza for dinner, watch a movie…”

Senku turned around and looked at his room, which was a complete mess. All his clothes were on the floor, his class notes were scattered on his desk, there were even some noodle cups on the floor… 

“At what time are you coming?” 

“Half an hour, maybe? Why, are you busy?” 

Senku stood up instantly, realizing he’d have to hurry and clean up everything as fast as possible. “Uh… Okay. See you.” Before Gen could even respond the blonde hung up, brushing his hair out of his face and sighing. “Fuck.”

  
  
  
  


“I’ve been so sad, Senku-chan.” Gen pouted as soon as the blonde opened the door, throwing his arms around his neck and hugging him. 

“Why?” Senku asked, his hand resting on his friend’s lower back. As much as he wanted to hug him tighter, he was already feeling a lump on his throat. 

Gen backed away with a pout, his eyes shining with what surely were crocodile tears. “My date ghosted me.”

“So you came back to your best friend to ask for cuddles and reassurance.” Senku sighed, and Gen hugged him again, nuzzling against his neck.

“Of course. That’s what best friends are for.” 

The blonde scoffed and backed away from Gen’s hug, walking to the living room and sitting down on the sofa, followed by his friend. “I bet that if I was in the same situation as you and asked for your help, you’d ignore me for any of your hookups.”

“That’s such a mean thing to say, Senku-chan.” Gen pouted again, and before the blonde could push him away he lied down with his head resting on Senku’s stomach, comfortably slotted between his legs. 

“You have a whole side of the sofa just for you.” Senku complained, but Gen just rubbed his cheek against his stomach and wrapped his arms around the blonde’s waist, hugging him.

“I want cuddles.” 

Senku sighed but didn’t say anything else. He just brushed Gen’s soft black and white hair, making his friend smile and hug him a bit tighter. 

Gen closed his eyes, and the blonde just admired his beautiful face and his soft features. Sometimes his fingertips brushed his forehead, and his friend hummed, pleased with all the attention. 

“What film do you want to watch?” Senku asked when he realized it was getting too much for him. He felt a lump on his throat, but tried to ignore it while he stretched his arm and grabbed the TV remote. 

Gen exhaled loudly and opened his eyes, looking at the screen. “Whatever you want. I’m going to fall asleep.” He leaned into Senku’s touch when his hand distractedly rested on his cheek. The blonde caressed it while his eyes continued fixed on the screen, and Gen softly purred, pleased. 

That’s when Senku realized it might be too much for him. His hand on Gen’s cheek stilled when he felt the familiar tingle of his lungs starting to _hurt._ He started coughing, covering his whole face with his hands, and his friend instantly sat up, looking at him worried.

“Are you okay?” Gen asked, and the blonde nodded before rushing to the bathroom. 

He closed the door behind him and knelt down in front of the toilet, his body convulsing with the need to vomit. 

Senku finally gave in, opening his mouth and letting the petals that were blocking his throat come out.

A whole flower. _Fuck_.

The black nightshade would’ve looked beautiful if it wasn’t covered in saliva and a bit of blood, floating on the toilet water unceremoniously. 

He sat back on the floor, panting, and rushed to flush the toilet as soon as he heard Gen walk towards the bathroom. 

“Senku-chan? Are you okay?” His friend slightly opened the door and crouched down next to him as soon as he saw him sitting on the floor.

“I’m fine, my stomach hasn’t been well these past few days.” Senku said, wiping his mouth with a towel. 

“Days? I’d say for the last two weeks. Maybe you should go to the doctor.” 

The blonde tried to stand up, and Gen instantly wrapped his arms around him, giving him support. “I will, tomorrow.” 

“Do you want to go to bed?” His friend asked, looking at him with big worried eyes.

The blonde shook his head. “The sofa is fine.” 

Gen nodded and helped him walk back to the sofa. This time, Senku was the one who lied down with his head resting on Gen’s stomach, his body safely caged between his legs. He wrapped his arms around his friend’s slim waist, pressing his face against his body, and before he could stop himself he was crying, getting Gen’s t-shirt wet with his tears.

“It’s okay.” His best friend whispered, brushing Senku’s hair with his fingers in an attempt to make him feel better. It only made it worse, but the blonde didn’t blame him. “Everything will be okay.” 

_Everything won’t be okay because I’m in love with you so much my body is physically hurting. And you will never love me back._

Senku nuzzled against Gen’s stomach, sobbing even harder, and tried relaxing when he felt his friend’s hands brush his hair and rub his back, giving him reassurance. 

Going to the doctor wasn’t an option, so Senku decided he had to reach out to the only person he could think of. 

  
  
  
  


“Tsukasa!” Senku hurried down the hallway when he saw his friend. He finally caught up to him, slightly panting.

“Long time no see, Senku. How’ve you been?” The brunette asked, walking out of the building while he opened the frizz drink he had gone to buy to the cafeteria.

“I need your help with something.” Senku said, following Tsukasa towards the Medicine faculty, where he studied. 

“I’m all ears.” The brunette drifted his attention to Senku, attentively watching how the blonde pursed his lips trying to find the right words.

“Well… Do you have any classes now?” He asked, his voice slightly shaking with nervousness.

Tsukasa instantly stopped, frowning at the blonde confused and worried. “No, I don’t. I was just planning to go to the library for a bit. Why? Is it something important?”

“Well, I-...” Senku bit his bottom lip, anxious. “If you come with me to the coffee shop right outside of campus, I’ll tell you everything.”

Tsukasa raised his eyebrows, confused, and looked back at the main building. “Can’t we just go to the cafeteria…?”

“No!” Senku said suddenly in a panic, and grabbed the brunette’s wrist to prevent him from walking back. “We should talk in… A more private place.”

The medicine student’s eyebrows furrowed, but after seeing Senku’s desperate gaze he sighed, defeated.

“Okay, let’s go.”

The walk to the cafeteria was quite awkward. They both stayed silent the whole time, Senku too anxious to even say anything, and Tsukasa unable to make small talk, too confused by the blonde’s attitude.

“What do you want to drink?” Senku asked once they arrived. 

“Umm… A coffee frappuccino is fine.” Tsukasa answered, taking off his coat and sitting down on the most private table they could find.

Senku came back a few minutes after, two cups of frappuccino on his hands. He left them on the table before sitting down in front of Tsukasa. 

“Tell me.” The brunette urged, already impatient to know. 

Senku played with the straw, evading his friend’s gaze on him. “I think…” He forced himself to look up at Tsukasa, and the words rolled off his tongue as if he could’ve yelled them anytime. “I have the Hanahaki disease.” 

It felt good finally telling someone about it. It was as if that lump he had felt on his throat for almost two weeks now disappeared for a few seconds. 

Tsukasa was frozen, his brown eyes wide open and fixed on the blonde. His hand, which had been wrapped around his cup had fallen on the table, as if his brain had stopped responding with that information.

“You’re kidding.” It was almost a whisper, but Senku picked on it. 

He slightly shook his head and felt the tears well up in his eyes when he saw Tsukasa’s heartbroken expression. “I wish I was.”

“How long has it been going for?” 

Senku took a sip of the frappuccino just to calm his nerves down before answering. “Two weeks, more or less.” He took a deep breath, his body slightly shaking, before talking again. “What have you learned about it in class?”

Tsukasa brushed his hair away from his face before answering. “Not much. It’s a new disease, so they can’t teach us effectively about it. Just that they’re finding ways to treat it and…” His voice trailed off for a second, as if he was considering whether to say it or not. “There have been a few cases where the flowers in the lungs were surgically removed successfully.”

“That’s good.” Senku said, taking another sip of the coffee. 

“It’s Gen, isn’t it?” The brunette asked after a few minutes in silence. Senku didn’t respond, just nodded and took another sip. Tsukasa’s hands were slightly shaking, brushing his hair out of his face. “Senku, you should go to the doctor as soon as possible. This disease isn’t a joke. You could _die._ ”

“I probably will.” The blonde said as calmly as possible. His voice wavered a bit, but he was keeping his composure as best as he could. If he broke down now as bad as he did yesterday with Gen, he could spend another 3 hours crying. And that definitely wasn’t an option. “Gen will never love me back, so my chances of surviving are slim.”

“I swear to god,” Tsukasa muttered under his breath. “I swear I’ll go right now and beat him up until he loves you back. I won’t even feel remorse.” 

Senku chuckled and shook his head. “This isn’t about him.” He looked up at the brunette, his ruby eyes still shining with tears, but his voice was firm. “I don’t want him to know. This is a secret between you and me, okay?”

“You have to go to the doctor, Senku. I’ll go with you if you want, but you have to go before it’s too late.” Tsukasa pleaded desperately.

“Come with me if you want.” The blonde gave in with a sigh. “But please. Please. Don’t tell anyone about this.” 

Tsukasa sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. “I won’t.” He finally said, and Senku’s body relaxed a bit. “But it will be more difficult to hide it as time passes.”

“I know.” Senku exhaled, brushing his bangs out of his face. “I just have to find a way of telling them.”

They stayed silent for a few minutes, both of them reflecting on their conversation.

So it could be surgically fixed. Senku had thought it was an internet rumor. If it could be fixed before it was too late, _maybe…_

“Are you sure Gen doesn’t like you back?” Tsukasa asked, pulling Senku back to reality.

“Do you think he’d like me when he has the whole campus simping for him? I’m just his childhood best friend who resorts to when one of his dates has ghosted him.” 

Tsukasa bit the inside of his cheek, deep in thought. “Hasn’t anything happened between you like, at all? Not even a kiss?” 

The blonde stayed silent for a few seconds, mindlessly stirring the coffee with the straw. “No, nothing.” He lied. “Not even a kiss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Senku stop lying challenge: failed.
> 
> Please leave kudos and a comment!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	4. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes to shit (and Senku keeps lying).
> 
> (ATTENTION: this chapter contains a +18 scene)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is terribly long, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tsukasa asked for the third time, and Senku nodded. 

It was a lie, obviously, but the blonde couldn’t back off now. He had been waiting for a week to meet with the doctor, and it was getting worse. 

He hadn’t been hanging out with Gen, but he was thinking about him constantly. Tsukasa’s words in the cafe had given him a bit of hope. If they had kissed, maybe, _maybe..._

On the other hand, thinking about that constantly just made him feel even worse. He was vomiting four or five petals a day, sometimes even a whole flower. 

He also got out of breath easier: going up the stairs was torture, and if he had to run to catch the bus he’d feel as if he’d run a marathon.

Senku let his head fall back against the headrest and closed his eyes, trying to calm down and prepare a speech for the doctor. 

“He won’t tell you much, you know. I asked one of my teachers and he just told me what I said yesterday.” Tsukasa said after a few minutes in silence.

Senku turned around and glared at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “You told a teacher I have Hanahaki disease?” 

“I told him a friend had it.” The brunette shrugged, his eyes scanning a place to park in. “It’s not a big deal, you know. And it’s not contagious.” 

“I _know_ it’s not contagious.” Senku said, dropping back down on the seat and folding his arms. Great. Now he was even more nervous than before. 

Tsukasa finally parked, and they exited the car and walked over to the hospital in silence. Senku was playing with the cuffs of his sweater, trying to calm down his nerves and the lump he felt on his throat. 

They patiently waited until someone opened a random door and called for Senku. Tsukasa instantly stood up and looked down at his friend, whose eyes were fixed on his fidgeting hands.

“Senku,” he called, and the blonde looked up at him. “Come on.” 

Senku stood up and followed him inside the room, his heart racing. He looked back at the door, now closed behind him, and for a second he thought he should run away, spend the last weeks or days of his life next to Gen and die happily. That’d be enough. 

Instead, he turned towards the doctor and sits down on the blue plastic chair next to Tsukasa. 

“So, tell me why you’re here.” The doctor said, curiously looking at Senku. She was young, maybe in her mid-20s, her dark hair up in a ponytail. 

Senku took a deep breath, his lungs hurting a bit from the effort, before talking. “I have the Hanahaki disease.”

Silence. The doctor exhaled and typed something on her computer before talking. 

“Okay, how long has it been going for?” She asked, her eyes fixed on the screen.

Senku cleared his throat before answering, his voice trembling a bit. “Two weeks and three days.”

“That’s a lot.” She said surprised, looking back at him, and the blonde shrugged. “Are you in love?” 

Senku stayed silent for a few seconds, his heart wildly beating inside his chest. “I am.”

The doctor nodded and rapidly typed something before asking another question. “Are you in a relationship with that person?”

“No.” Senku exhaled, that word hurting him more than it should. 

“Were you in a relationship with that person?” She asked, and the blonde shook his head. “Are you that person?” She turned towards Tsukasa, who instantly shook his head with a nervous chuckle.

“No, no. It’s not me. I’m just here for… Moral support.” Tsukasa said, and the doctor sighed before looking back at her computer.

“Okay, since this is a new disease we don’t have much information but I’ll prescribe you some painkillers for the ache to go down.” She said while typing on the computer, and Senku nodded. “Also, I’m going to send you to the head surgeon of the hospital so he can make some tests on you and determine if you can get the surgery or… Whether it’s too late for that.” 

“So the surgery thing’s real?” Tsukasa asked, and the doctor looked at both of them before answering.

“It’s not been 100% been proved that’s successful, but most of them have worked out, with few secondary effects.” 

“What are the secondary effects?” Senku asked, his voice shaking a bit with nervousness.

“Well, most of the people that have gone through surgery have lost their ability to feel love. We still don’t know why that happens, and research teams are looking at ways to reverse that.”

Losing the ability to feel love. 

_Losing the ability to feel love_.

Senku’s body had frozen, his eyes unfocused, too lost in thought. 

He covered his face with his hands, his fingers lightly pulling on his hair desperately. 

The blonde suddenly coughed, and instantly stood up, covering his mouth with his hand. “Excuse me.” 

He ran out of the room and rushed to the bathroom, kneeling down on the stall floor and vomiting whatever he’d had for breakfast and a few petals. 

  
  
  


Tsukasa found him a few minutes later, sitting down on the bathroom with a full-on breakdown. The brunette had hugged him tightly against his chest, and Senku had sobbed so hard he’d almost lost his voice by the time he calmed down. 

“Come on, let’s go to the car.” He whispered, picking up the blonde bridal style, Senku’s arms wrapping around his neck and his face pressed against his chest. 

“I think I can walk now.” Senku said once they exited the hospital, and Tsukasa slowly let him down. The blonde brushed his hair away with a hand, sighing, before walking towards the car. 

“You know, we are going out to a party tonight. You should come, cheer yourself up a bit.” Tsukasa suggested, following Senku to the car. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” The blonde said once he entered the car, letting his head fall back against the headrest and closing his eyes with a loud exhale.

“Everyone is going, Gen too.” Tsukasa kept his eyes fixed on the road, ignoring Senku’s side glance. 

“Another reason why I shouldn’t go.” Senku sighed, and took out his mobile phone only to find a text from Gen.

 **Gen:** Party today!!! Are you coming??? Can I stay over???

Senku groaned and locked his mobile phone. 

“Gen?” Tsukasa asked, and chuckled when the blonde groaned again and covered his face with his hands.

“I shouldn’t go. I have things to do and…” Senku’s voice trailed off when he didn’t find any more excuses. 

“I think you need to distract yourself, and being with your friends it’s the best option.” 

“It’s not the best option because I’m in _love_ with one of them.” Senku sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

He really wasn’t in the mood. His head hurt from crying, and the possibility to start vomiting in the middle of the party was too much for him to feel comfortable with the idea of going. 

But maybe it was the last party of his life. 

“Okay.” He said in a exhale, frustrated, before unlocking the phone and answering Gen’s message.

 **Senku:** Yes, I’m going.  
Of course you can stay over.

  
  
  
  


It had to be a joke. 

Senku had been staring at the kiss mark on Gen’s neck since his friend had entered his house with a backpack for the things he needs at night. It was all he could look at while Gen left his things on the blonde’s guest bedroom, happily humming whatever song he’d listened to before coming over. 

It shouldn't hurt him so much, but there was something about knowing had probably slept with someone even after Senku’s breakdown that made his will to go out disappear. 

Obviously he couldn’t blame Gen for it because his friend didn’t know anything about what was happening, but it still stung. 

At first, when Gen started hooking up with literally anyone that caught his eye it hurt more, because Senku was younger and couldn’t control his emotions as well. He’d get grumpy every time his friend talked about his dates, or he’d be in a bad mood for days if he saw any kiss marks on his neck. 

It was horrible to say that he had gotten used to it, but that was the truth. He had managed to store the pain away bit by bit, until it was so hidden from his own mind that he sometimes even forgot about it.

Now, his body was paying the consequences.

“Senku?” Gen’s voice brought him back to reality. The blonde looked up at his blue eyes, who were looking back at him worried. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, yes.” Senku’s voice was soft, too distracted on what he had been thinking about to even make himself sound more convinced. “I’m fine.”

Gen stared at him for a few seconds, his lips pursed, before walking towards him and wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him close. He rested his head on Senku’s shoulder when the blonde hugged him back. 

He shouldn’t be doing this, but Gen’s touch felt so good… Senku rested his head on top of his friend’s head, rubbing his cheek against his hair. He sighed pleased, Gen’s smell relaxing him. 

His best friend hummed pleased, tightening his hug a bit and staying like that for a few seconds, until the blonde pulled away hesitantly. 

If he could, he would just pull Gen to bed and cuddle him for the whole night, but their friends were waiting for them. And cuddling him wasn’t something Senku could do just because.

“Let’s go.” He whispered, taking a denim jacket and putting it on before walking out of his bedroom, followed by Gen. 

Tsukasa, Yuzuriha and Taiju were waiting for them in the car downstairs, and Senku silently cursed when he saw he’d have to sit down next to Gen. 

Yuzuriha, Gen and him were cramped on the back seat of the car, the blonde in the middle. Tsukasa and him exchanged a glance through the rearview mirror before the brunette started the car. 

“How’s everything going, Gen?” Tsukasa asked, his eyes now fixed on the road. Senku looked back at his friend, who looked away from his phone as soon as he heard the question and smiled broadly.

“Everything’s fine. How are you? Don’t you have exams near?” 

“I do, but I felt like going out today.” Tsukasa answered plainly, and Gen nodded before turning his attention back to the phone. 

He surely was texting one of his hookups. _Great._

Taiju, Yuzuriha and Tsukasa were in a talkative mood, so they conversed about whatever while Senku and Gen stayed silent, the latter too focused on his mobile phone to pay attention to anything else.

They finally arrived at the bar where they’d agreed to meet everyone else, and as soon as Tsukasa parked they all jumped out of the car, some of them more excited to party than others. 

Gen looked as if he was regretting going out. Senku wondered if he too secretly hoped for both of them to just have stayed home, lying in bed with their bodies pressed together and sleeping until the next afternoon, or if something that he’d seen on his mobile phone had upset him.

Whatever it was, Gen forgot about it fast, because as soon as he saw Kohaku and the rest of their friends he screamed with joy and ran over to them, hugging the blonde girl tightly.

Everyone was disgustingly happy, even Tsukasa, who looked over at him a few times but continued his conversation with Ukyo, both of them discussing something Senku couldn’t even bother to know about.

He sighed when he saw Gen and Kohaku toasting and taking a sip for something that looked like tequila or vodka. If he had to take care of his friend in addition of not being able to even _breathe_ inside that stuffy bar, he surely was going to die.

“Are you going outside for a smoke?” Senku asked Ukyo when he saw the blonde was looking for something in his pockets, and his whole body relaxed when he nodded. “I’ll go with you.”

They stepped out of the bar in silence, Ukyo sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk. Senku hesitated for a second, but he finally sat down next to him, observing the way the blonde lit up the cigarette and exhaled a puff of smoke. 

“You know, I personally think it’s a bad idea that you came. I could feel your gloominess from kilometers away.” Ukyo finally said, and Senku evaded his gaze before it met his, feeling his face heat up. 

“Tsukasa told you.” 

“Well, not exactly.” He exhaled the smoke with a sigh, thinking of the right words. “When your roommate starts compulsively looking at Hanahaki disease information sites and staring at your messages hesitating to text it’s quite easy to make out what’s exactly happening.”

“Why didn’t you think Tsukasa was the one with the disease?” Senku questioned, his eyes following the random trail the fire was making while the cigarette burned. 

When Ukyo raised the cigarette to his lips again the blonde followed, finally meeting his blue eyes. “Because Gen told me you’ve been sick these past few weeks, vomiting or coughing non-stop.” 

Senku sighed, his fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket. He looked at a car that passed by, the noise of the engine breaking the silence that had fallen between them. 

“Is he worried?” He finally asked. 

“Of course he is. He cares about you more than you think, you know.” Ukyo sighed and tossed the finished cigarette to the ground, stepping on it. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” 

Senku chuckled self-deprecatingly, his eyes fixed on his hands. “Am I that obvious?” 

“Not exactly, but he was your first kiss and I’ve seen the way you look at him. It wasn’t that difficult to guess.” 

The blonde instantly looked up at his friend, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. “You know about the kiss?” 

“Yeah, Gen told me once.” This time Ukyo was the one who looked away, distracted by two girls that walked past them. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell Tsukasa, though. I know that kiss meant more to both of you than you want to admit.” 

“What do you mean by…?” Before he could finish the question, Senku started coughing. _Great timing_. He stood up and rushed behind a car, a few petals falling out of his mouth, one of them covered in a bit of blood. He pressed his forehead against the car when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for this.” Ukyo said, taking out a kleenex and handing it to him so he could wipe the saliva off his lips. “When are you going to tell Gen about this?” 

“Hopefully never.”

  
  
  
  


If Senku was in a bad mood even before going out, now that all of his friends were drunk enough to forget about all of their problems was making him feel worse. 

“Senku-chan!” Gen ran over to him, his eyes glossy and a smile plastered on his face. “Dance with me.” He pleaded, his words slurred. 

“How much have you drank?” The blonde asked with a frown, and Gen pouted, taking his friend’s hand and shaking it in an attempt to convince him. 

“Come dance with me.” He asked again, pouting even more. 

Senku was going to accept the offer when he saw the kiss mark on Gen’s neck again, reminding him of what his role was. 

A replacement. Just someone to entertain him when his dates ghosted him, or while he looked for another person to spend his time with. 

Whatever he was for Gen, Senku knew well he wasn’t the first option.

“Dance with Kohaku.” He finally said and looked down at Gen, whose eyes were unfocused. “Are you okay?” 

He shook his head and looked back up at him, forcing a smile, his eyes almost completely closed. “Just a bit dizzy.” 

Before Senku could tell him he should stop drinking Gen gulped the remainings of his glass before running back to Kohaku, leaving the blonde alone.

He sighed and sat down on a barstool, his eyes fixed on his friends. 

“He’s going to pass out if he keeps drinking like that.” Tsukasa’s voice startled Senku, who instantly turned around to look at him. 

“It’s okay. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d have to take care of him.” 

“Not when taking care of yourself is a priority.” The brunette said, and Senku scoffed. 

“As if I’d care about myself before Gen.” 

Senku’s eyes went back to his best friend, who was dancing with Kohaku while they talked about something, laughing and then hugging, their hips still moving with the music. 

“Ukyo knows.” The blonde said after a few minutes in silence.

“Yeah, I supposed he would figure it out sooner or later. I’m sorry.” Tsukasa apologized, and Senku shook his head.

“It’s okay, I guess. As long as Gen doesn’t discover it.” Before Tsukasa could respond Senku started coughing again. 

He rushed out of the bar, ignoring Ukyo’s gaze on him, and as soon as he was outside he leaned on a wall and started coughing as hard as he could.

Senku walked back to the bar entrance slowly, not being able to breathe properly. 

“Senku-chan!” Gen rushed out of the bar, his steps clumsy and his eyes almost completely closed, and he immediately hugged the blonde, his head resting on his shoulder. “Wanna go home.”

The blonde had to take a few seconds to process the easy way he could breathe now that Gen was touching him, which only fuelled his confusion. What determined whether Gen’s company was good or bad? Sometimes he couldn’t even breathe when he was with him, and now he felt energized again, as if he wasn’t coughing flowers a few meters behind them a few seconds ago. 

“But it’s still early, and you’re drunk.” 

Gen shook his head and hugged him tighter. “Wanna go home.” He repeated, his words slurred and difficult to comprehend. 

“It’s still early…” Senku repeated, but he fell silent when he felt Gen’s hand sliding under his t-shirt. 

“‘M cold.” He mumbled, and with a sigh, the blonde wrapped his arms around him. He had to go ask Tsukasa to drive them back to the apartment, but he didn’t want to back away from Gen. “Cold, cold, cold.” His friend chanted while his hands traveled all over Senku’s torso, trying to get them warm.

As much as Senku was enjoying this, Gen was drunk and cold, and he’d ask to go home. Making use of all his willpower he backed away from him, taking off his jacket and putting it on his friend’s shoulders. 

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Senku brushed Gen’s white strand of hair out of his face, and his friend nodded before sitting on the edge of the sidewalk to wait. 

Senku rushed inside the bar and walked over to Tsukasa, who was conversing with Ukyo. 

“Gen is asking me to go home. Can you drive us there?” 

The brunette sighed and looked at his half-empty glass, frowning. “I can give you the keys if you want, but I don’t think I can drive.” 

“And how will you go back home?” 

“I can drive him. We came just 3 in my car.” Ukyo said, and Tsukasa nodded, taking the car keys out of his pocket and handing them to Senku. 

“Drive safely. And don’t do anything stupid.” The brunette warned. 

Senku frowned and glared at them both confused as if he was silently asking what “anything stupid” meant exactly. He sighed and exited the bar, finding Gen in the same position he’d left him, except his eyes were fixed on his phone. 

“Let’s go.” Gen looked up and smiled when he recognized Senku, instantly standing up and hooking his arm around the blonde’s. 

“Love you, Senku-chan.” His friend mumbled, and the blonde instantly felt a pang on his chest. He took a deep breath and guided him towards the car. “Say ‘t back.” Gen pouted, wrapping his arms around Senku’s waist, making him stop walking. 

Senku sighed, his eyes fixed on Gen’s. “I love you too.”

  
  
  
  


“Can we sleep together?” Gen asked as soon as Senku opened the apartment door, entering and looking back at the blonde with his lips in a pout.

Senku stared at him for a few seconds, his mind repeating over and over again it was a bad idea. 

“Okay.” He sighed, and Gen grinned excitedly before tumbling to Senku’s bedroom, dropping down on his bed. 

The blonde followed him, lying down on his bed with his eyes fixed on the ceiling, feeling Gen’s weight on the bed on his right. 

They stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, Senku’s eyes not tearing away from the ceiling, and Gen sometimes moving on the bed, trying to get comfortable.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” Gen’s words didn’t sound so slurred anymore, which alarmed Senku. If he was sobering up, why would he talk about this? They both had silently agreed to forget it.

“What about it?” The blonde asked, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. 

Gen got closer to him, curling up on his side, his head resting on his shoulder, before talking again. “I couldn’t even go to sleep that night. And not because I was nervous about next day, just because I couldn’t get over how good it’d felt to kiss you.”

Senku’s heart dropped. He stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to process Gen’s words. “How was it with her, though?” 

“I don’t even remember.” His friend chuckled happily, remembering Senku that he indeed was quite drunk less than an hour ago. His voice tone was still a bit higher than normal, an indication that he was still a bit drunk. “But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.” 

“Thinking about what?” The blonde asked, although he knew what the answer would be. His chest raised and fell steadily, his will for his heart to calm down working. If he started vomiting now, he’d maybe miss one of the most important conversations in his life.

Gen propped himself up on his arm, looking down at the blonde. His eyes were still a bit glossy, and Senku couldn’t help but look at the little kiss mark on his neck that had been mocking him the whole night. 

“What it would feel like to kiss you again. Now.” He said, his bottom lip tucked into his mouth. “We have hooked up with other people, haven’t we? Now it should be even better than what it was the first time.” Gen’s voice was almost a whisper, and the blonde felt goosebumps. 

He knew he shouldn't. Kissing Gen once was enough for him, and he would’ve died happily just remembering that shy first contact of their lips.

But now, he was being offered that again. 

He couldn’t say no. He couldn’t even _seem_ annoyed by Gen’s words, because his friend looked like he wanted it even more than him, although that was impossible. 

“You’re drunk.” Senku said after a few seconds of just staring at Gen’s lips, and his friend groaned, letting his head fall on the blonde’s chest. 

“Come on. We’ve been best friends for what now? Fifteen years? I know when you’re feeling lonely.” Gen slid his index from Senku’s stomach all the way up to his jaw slowly, teasing the blonde. “I’m feeling lonely too.” He was whispering now, his hot breath meeting Senku’s skin and making it tingle. “We can fix that.”

Before the blonde could find the last piece of courage on this body to push him away, Gen gently nipped on Senku’s jaw, making his whole body shudder. His friend was now sitting on the bed, leaning over him, his eyes fluttering close each time he gently bit or kissed the blonde’s jaw.

The moment Gen swung his leg over Senku’s body, sitting on top of him, the blonde knew he had lost control. 

He gripped his friend’s shoulders and after making both of them sit up, Gen straddling him, Senku whispered “ _fuck it_ ” before pressing their lips together.

The small whimpering sound Gen made once their lips met only made Senku’s want grow even more. He gripped his waist and got him closer, tightening his grip when his friend put his arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. 

So maybe this is what he needed. To kiss Gen again. He didn’t feel any difficulty while breathing, didn’t feel a lump on his throat at all. Just Gen’s soft lips moving against his, the faint taste of liquor on his tongue. 

“You’ve gotten better.” The blonde whispered once he backed away, his breathing a bit irregular, and Gen chuckled, raising an eyebrow cockily. 

“Have I?” He didn’t wait for a response, just getting even closer to him, if that was possible, and grinning when he felt Senku was already half-hard on his sweats. 

Gen kissed him again, softly biting the blonde’s tongue when he gripped his waist harder, stopping him from grinding his hips against his bulge. 

“You’re already hard from just some kissing.” Gen whispered once he backed away, slowly kissing down the blonde’s neck while his hands slid inside his t-shirt. 

Senku’s face blushed even more with his words, but he couldn’t focus on responding to that, the way Gen’s lips felt on his neck too much of a distraction.

He only backed away so they both could take off their t-shirts, and his lips instantly found their way back to Senku’s neck, now kissing and lightly biting it.

“Don’t leave marks.” The blonde sighed pleased, his grip on Gen’s waist softening and letting his head fall back when his friend started slowly grinding his hips again. 

“It’s too late for that.” Gen hummed when he saw one of the red marks he’d left on the blonde’s neck, licking over it and making Senku hiss. 

The blonde finally took the initiative, caressing Gen’s jaw with his nose before biting the crook of his neck hard enough to make him whimper. One of the hands that was resting on his hip trailed up his bare back until it tangled on his hair, softly yanking back so he could expose his neck.

“You’re also hard now.” Senku observed, his voice a bit lower than usual and his eyes dark. 

Gen smiled amused, his eyes fluttering close when the blonde softly bit on the other side of his neck, over the kiss mark he had there. Whoever had done it now disappeared from his friend’s skin, now covered by another mark done by him. The pride that he felt in that moment couldn’t be explained with words.

The older’s hands went down until they were resting on the edge of Senku’s sweatpants, distracting him from his task.

The blonde instantly stopped, backing away from Gen’s neck and looking at his hooded dark blue eyes, who were fixed on the hands that were now lightly pulling on the elastic of his sweatpants. 

“We shouldn’t.” He whispered, and Gen chuckled before looking back up at him. 

“You need to get off and I need it too.” One of his hands was now resting on Senku’s cheek, and the blonde turned his head to his touch automatically, as if that gesture was something they did daily. “It won’t be your first time, will it?” Gen’s voice was low, almost a whisper. 

Senku exhaled before kissing his wrist and answering. “It will. I’m still a virgin.” 

Gen chuckled and left a kiss on Senku’s lips. “We’ll take it slow, then.” He kissed the blonde again, this time a bit longer and slow, enjoying the way their mouths synchronized perfectly. 

He finally slipped one of his hands inside the blonde’s sweatpants, palming his hard-on over the underwear. Senku forced himself to keep his eyes open, wanting to memorize Gen’s every gesture, but when his friend pressed a bit harder on his erection his eyes closed and he pressed his face against his neck, his hips stuttering in an effort to gain more friction.

“Kiss me.” Gen’s words made Senku open his eyes again and instantly obey, the hand that was tangled in his friend’s black and white hair pushing him closer. 

The blonde’s moans when Gen started rubbing his tip with his thumb were swallowed by his hungry lips, kissing and biting as if there was no tomorrow. 

They backed away panting after desperately kissing for a few minutes, Gen’s hand now stilled on top of Senku’s dick. 

“Take it off.” The blonde said, looking at Gen’s pants. He sat back on the bed and took off his trousers rapidly. Senku did the same with his sweatpants, and once they both were only on their underwear the blonde sat with his back against the bed’s headboard. Gen sat straddling him again, and their breaths hitched when their erections came into contact, even though their underwear was still between them. 

They kissed again, this time even more hungrily, Senku’s hands traveling all over Gen’s torso, even teasing his nipples a bit, which made him moan. The blonde grinned, pleased with his reaction, before kissing his shoulder and softly biting his collarbone. 

He was going to kiss him again when he felt Gen’s hand pull down his underwear, his erection now springing free and resting against his stomach. 

“Senku-chan…” Gen whispered, his hand wrapping around the blonde’s member and smearing the pre-cum all over the tip. The way he said it made Senku’s dick twitch, and his friend smiled, looking up at him. The blonde kissed him again, whimpering when Gen’s hand started slowly moving up and down. 

Senku couldn’t even think straight. Before he could realize what he was doing, his hand had gripped Gen’s underwear and yanked down, freeing his erection too. 

“Do you have lube?” Gen asked between kisses, his hand still slowly moving up and down Senku’s length.

“I think I have some in my nightstand.” Before the blonde could reach out to look for it, Gen opened the drawer and rapidly took the small bottle of lube. He opened it and poured some of it on his hand, Senku’s ruby eyes following his every move attentively.

He hadn’t even drunk an ounce of alcohol that night, but he still felt drunk. Drunk on Gen. His mind was fuzzy, as if his brain didn’t know what to focus on, and his moves were slow yet desperate at the same time.

It was so intoxicating and addicting he didn’t even know how he was going to face his daily life after experiencing this. 

Every second thought he was having disappeared as soon as Gen got even closer to him and wrapped his hand around both of their dicks, pressing them together and moving his hand slowly. 

Senku let his head fall back, a strained moan escaping his lips, and he had to make use of all of his willpower just to not move his hips up, trying to get more friction. 

“Faster.” The blonde pleaded, putting his hand on top of Gen’s and making him move a bit faster. 

They both moaned when Gen started grinding his hips in circles, gaining even more stimulation. Senku moved the hand that had been urging his friend to move faster, now coated in some of the lube, to Gen’s lower back, slowly sliding inside his underwear and pressing his index finger against his rim. 

Gen gasped when he felt the cold liquid against his entrance, and hid his face on Senku’s neck, feeling his face heat up. He started leaving small kisses on the blonde’s neck. “Please, _please…_ ” He begged, closing his eyes when Senku started rubbing circles on his entrance.

Senku had to buck his hips up against Gen’s hand and dick to make him realize he had stopped, and only when he picked up the pace again he pressed his index finger against his rim again, this time slowly sliding it inside. 

Gen’s back arched automatically, which made both of them moan at the sudden friction. Senku searched for his lips and kissed him harder this time, his free hand grabbing his friend’s jaw to keep their lips together.

He started shallowly thrusting inside Gen with his finger, feeling his cock twitch every time he swallowed one of his moans. 

“Deeper.” Gen pleaded between kisses, whimpering pleased when the blonde introduced his finger as deep as he could, curling it so the tip dragged over his walls. His friend lowered his head, his black and white fringe sticking to his forehead with sweat. Gen started slowly moving his hips in time with Senku’s finger, fucking himself with each thrust back and rubbing his dick against the blonde’s with each thrust forward. “More, please.” He begged, biting Senku’s shoulder softly when the blonde added another finger. 

Senku couldn’t even talk. It was a miracle the fact that he still hadn’t cum, and that his brain was functioning just enough to keep fucking Gen with his fingers while his friend’s grip on their dicks tightened a bit more and his movements started being even faster.

Suddenly, an idea crossed his mind. He started thrusting even deeper, Gen moaning against his skin, and curled his fingers a bit more, trying to find his sensitive spot. 

“Fuck, Senku, that’s-...” His voice trailed off and he found the blonde’s lips instead. This time their kiss was messy, all teeth and saliva trailing down their chins, and Senku felt him going over the edge when Gen bit down on his bottom lip. 

It only took Gen to move his thumb over Senku’s slit _just right_ and the blonde was cumming all over his friend’s hand, his eyes closed, his head falling back and his mouth slightly parted, trying to breathe back all of the air that had been sucked away from his lungs. 

He miraculously kept thrusting his fingers inside Gen, finally curling them right and pressing on his prostate, making his friend climax right after him, white ropes of cum covering his hand and Senku’s dick. The feeling of Gen’s cum on his dick was enough for the blonde to release another spurt of cum on them, his head now falling on his friend’s shoulder. 

Both of them stayed like that for a few seconds, panting, until Senku slipped his hands out of Gen’s hole, making his friend whimper at the loss. 

“We should go get cleaned up.” Senku said, brushing Gen’s hair away from his face and leaving one last kiss on his lips. 

“I don’t want to move.” Gen mumbled, nuzzling against the blonde’s neck. Senku closed his eyes with a sigh, his hands resting on his friend’s hips. 

“If you let me go, I’ll grab a wet towel so I can clean you up here.” The blonde whispered, his fingertips rubbing circles in Gen’s lower back. He groaned but finally got off from top of Senku, lying back down on the bed.

“Be fast.” Gen whispered, his eyes fluttering shut. Senku looked down at him and left a soft kiss on his forehead before standing up. 

“I will.”

He kept his promise, almost running to the bathroom to wet a towel with some hot water before going back to the bedroom. 

Gen was lying on the bed, his eyes closed and taking deep breaths, as if their fooling around had exhausted him. Senku cleaned himself up fast before drawing the towel over Gen’s thighs, washing away some of the lube that had trailed down. 

The soft sound his friend made caused the blonde’s whole body to shiver.

The next minutes weren’t even about cleaning all their cum from Gen anymore. 

It was all about the soft noises he made every time Senku rubbed the wet towel over his belly or thighs, almost as if he was purring with contentment. 

He finally left the towel on the floor and lied down next to Gen, close enough to feel his body heat but not as close as he’d like. 

“Come.” Gen whispered as if he’d read his thoughts. The blonde blushed and scooted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his body while his friend rubbed his cheek against his shoulder. 

Senku forced his breath to calm down, making sure he didn’t break this moment by having to go back to the bathroom to throw up a bunch of petals. He focused on Gen soft breaths, his fingertips drawing patterns on his back. 

“God, I was so drunk.” Gen whispered after almost half an hour in silence, and Senku felt a pang on his chest.

What if he forgot everything that'd happened tomorrow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was... A lot. Let's hope Gen remembers.
> 
> Please leave kudos and a comment!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	5. Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senku throughout the whole chapter: *confused noises*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was like doing parkour from one emotion to another. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)

If Gen remembered, he definitely made it seem as if it hadn’t been anything serious. 

Senku, on the other hand, couldn’t get over it. He’d had to make use of all his willpower to get out of the bed in the morning, Gen’s arms wrapped around his waist something he wanted to feel forever. 

He had looked at himself in the mirror in disbelief, the marks all over his neck and shoulders the only proof that what had happened that night had been real. He wanted to keep them on his skin forever, a reminder of what had happened, but he knew they would eventually fade. 

Senku walked back to the kitchen, where Gen was making breakfast unbothered by the fact that he was only wearing his underwear and his whole body was covered with kiss and bite marks, and some scratches on his back. He probably was used to having marks all over him, even if they belonged to different people. 

“What are you doing?” Senku asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“Pancakes.”

The blonde stilled for a second. Pancakes were their comfort food whenever they were together. Usually, Byakuya cooked them, but since he went to space they hadn’t eaten them.

If Gen was doing them now, it could only mean two things: he  _ knew,  _ or he regretted what had happened yesterday and he wanted Senku to be eating something nice while he said it. 

“Do you need help?” Senku asked, his hands gripping the kitchen counter maybe a bit too hard, his heart thumping rapidly inside his chest. 

“No, I’m almost done anyway.” Gen answered instantly. “Just wait for me in the living room, I’ll bring them there now.”

“Okay.” Senku mumbled before going back to the living room and awkwardly sitting on the sofa, waiting for his best friend. 

He didn’t know how to act, or what to say. Where they even _ supposed _ to talk about what had happened? Or would they just pretend it never happened, just how they did with the kiss? 

“I think they turned out quite okay.” Gen said, entering the living room after a few minutes the blonde just spent overthinking, two plates full of pancakes on his hands. 

He left the plates on the coffee table and turned around towards Senku, who looked up at him. 

There was something on Gen’s gaze… Was it regret? No, his eyes were soft. Like he was looking at Senku as if he was the only thing in his whole world. 

He cupped the blonde’s cheek with a hand and Senku instantly leaned towards his touch, closing his eyes. He shouldn’t be doing it, but what was one caress more, one less? After what happened yesterday, nothing would be enough. 

“Are you hungry?” Gen asked in almost a whisper, his hand going down to Senku’s neck, his thumb brushing over one of the countless kiss marks there. 

“Yeah.”

Gen finally sat down next to him, his back resting on the armrest, and his bare feet brushing against Senku’s thigh. He took a plate and the blonde took the other one, and both took the first bite in silence. 

“I talked with Byakuya.” Gen said after a few minutes in silence. Senku looked up at him, still munching on his pancake, waiting for his friend to continue. “I told him… All of whatever’s happening to you. The vomiting, the breakdown you had the other day, the way you’re distancing yourself from everyone else…”

“I’m not-...” Before he could finish Gen continued, interrupting him.

“He told me I should come live with you.” He breathed, as if holding it in had been a great effort.

Senku’s body froze, his eyes wide open and fixed on his best friend, who kept eating his pancakes with an astounding calmness. 

“You…?” His voice trailed off, and the blonde looked down at the floor, trying to process what Gen had just said. 

“I said okay.” 

Senku didn’t find the words. Living with Gen would’ve been great news a few months ago, when he was hauled up in his bedroom drowning in essays and exams and he didn’t see someone for at least two weeks. 

But now, that he had a deadly disease only curable if he stopped loving, living with Gen didn’t sound like the best idea. Not especially after they’d almost _ fucked _ yesterday night, making Senku even more confused than before.

“Aren’t you happy, Senku-chan? We’ve always talked about how we wanted to live together when we were older.” Gen smiled, but the blonde didn’t even find the strength to smile back. 

He finished the last pancake and stood up. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Senku…” Gen left the plate on the coffee table and stood up too.

“You can come if you want.” The blonde said before going back to his bedroom and dropping down on the bed. He heard Gen’s light steps following him, and observed his friend while he picked up Senku’s t-shirt from the floor and put it on before lying down on the bed next to him. 

“If you don’t want me to move in I won’t get angry, you know.” He whispered, and Senku turned around to look at him. 

“It’s not that, it’s just…”  _ I’m probably going to die because I’m so in love with you there are flowers growing inside my lungs _ . “I would've preferred it if you had just asked me beforehand.” 

“I’m sorry.” Gen whispered, and the blonde was suddenly aware of how close they were. His eyes trailed down to the kiss marks on his neck, and then slowly upwards until his eyes met his lips. 

The temptation was too much. He wondered what would happen if he just went for it. Senku found himself automatically leaning a bit closer, but before he did something he’d regret he rapidly turned around on the bed, looking away from Gen. 

“Let’s sleep.”

  
  
  
  


“Gen is going to move in with me.” Senku blurted out, the thought of it just making his whole body shake. He had been thinking the best way to say it for twenty minutes and he was tired. 

Ukyo didn’t even flinch, lowering his cup slowly before looking up at the blonde. “Yeah, he already told me.” 

“What else did he tell you?” Senku asked, feeling his face heat up just with the thought of it.

“The reason why your neck is fucking filled with kiss and bite marks. Care to explain how the hell it happened?” 

Ukyo didn’t sound angry nor annoyed. There was just a small hint of worry in his voice, maybe mixed with compassion. Senku knew the blonde couldn’t read his thoughts or feelings, but he couldn’t help but think that Ukyo knew just how confused all this made him.

“He asked me whether I remembered our first kiss, I said yes, he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing me again, so I just… Went for it, I guess.” Senku mumbled, blushing when he remembered the feeling of Gen’s lips on his. How many times did they kiss? He’d lost count. 

“Yeah, he told me something similar.” 

The blonde lowered his head, taking a sip of his coffee. Ukyo sighed and leaned back on the chair.

“You have the Hanahaki disease and you decide to just fool around with your crush.” 

“It felt good.”

“Well, fuck, I’m  _ sure _ it felt good, you both jerked off-...” Before Ukyo could finish Senku interrupted him.

“No.” He sighed, and left his coffee on the table, trying to find the words. “It was… Liberating. I didn’t feel the pressure in my lungs, I didn’t feel like coughing, I didn’t feel the need to  _ vomit flowers _ .”

He was definitely blushing now, feeling his face hot. How much of it had Gen told Ukyo? What did it even mean to him?

“You know, I’ve been doing some research.” Ukyo said after a few minutes in silence, and Senku instantly looked back up at him. “And I found a quote in a Hanahaki disease information page that went more or less like this ‘Their crushes’ lips have the medicine for those who are dying for love.’”

Senku stilled, his eyes fixed on Ukyo’s, who folded his arms and leaned back on the chair.

“You think he knows?” He asked in almost a whisper, and the blonde sighed.

“Hmm. I truly don’t know, but it’s a matter of time he figures it out. If he already knows, what happened yesterday was his desperate attempt to make you feel better.” Ukyo said calmly, not realizing those words had made Senku’s whole world crumble. 

_ A desperate attempt? _ Did that mean Gen wasn’t really wanting to do that? What if everything that had happened yesterday was a lie? What if Gen had only done that just because he’d read it’d ‘cure’ him?

“So… He did all of that just because he doesn’t want me to die? Not because he actually wanted to do it?” Senku didn’t care anymore if he sounded weak or scared. His hands were tightly gripping the hem of his t-shirt, slightly shaking. 

Ukyo stilled for a few seconds, his eyes suddenly widening when he realized what Senku was thinking. 

“No, oh God. No, Senku.” He was going to say something else when the blonde started coughing, covering his mouth with his hands. 

Senku didn’t even find the strength to stand up and rush to the bathroom, so he just tried his best to cough silently enough the people in the cafeteria didn’t notice it, and when he finally expulsed the flower he closed his hand, not letting Ukyo look at it.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, his fist resting in his lap. His friend followed his hand with his eyes, clearly worried about what could be inside, but didn’t say a word. “What were you saying?” Senku asked, wiping the saliva on his lips off with the back of his hand.

“I don’t think Gen did it because of you.” Ukyo said softly, his eyes still fixed on his hand. “I think he did it because he really wants it. If he knows, it’s just something that maybe has pushed him to finally make a move.”

Senku nodded, taking a sip from his coffee, his gaze now distant. As much as Ukyo tried to fix his wording, the doubt had already been planted in the blonde’s mind. 

And it just made him feel even worse.

  
  
  
  
  


“Look what I found.” Gen hopped up to Senku, who was sitting on the grass trying to make his self-made radio-controlled car to work. 

“What?” The blonde turned to look at his friend, who was holding a red string in his hand. “What’s that?” 

“Haven’t you heard of the red thread of fate?” He asked with a smile in his face, kneeling down on the grass next to Senku. 

“The red thread of what?” The blonde frowned, turning his gaze away from Gen. “I’m busy. My car isn’t working.” 

Before he realized, his friend grabbed his wrist, yanking it towards him. 

“Look.” Gen’s hands were delicate against Senku’s, and the blonde’s eyes followed his every movement. “The story says that every person in the world is attached to another one by a little red string.” He took Senku’s pinky and wrapped the red string around it, tying it. 

“What…?” His voice trailed off when he realized Gen was tying the other end of the string to his own pinky.

“If we tie it ourselves, maybe destiny will make us stay together forever.” Gen grinned at him, his eyes closing and his nose scrunching. 

Senku huffed, looking away, but his face was slightly blushed. He grabbed the toy car again, tugging on the red string. 

“It’s uncomfortable.” The blonde mumbled, but Gen didn’t say anything else, he just got a bit closer to him so he could work in peace. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that. Senku could’ve taken the string off, but there was something oddly comforting at the feeling of Gen’s presence close to him, his hand’s weight pulling against his every time he tugged on the string. 

When they went back home and Byakuya saw them tied with a string, he laughed and patted both’s heads. 

“And why are you two tied to each other?” Senku’s dad asked, crouching down so he was eye-level with both kids.

“The red string of fate!” Gen showed him their pinkies. “We want to be together forever.” 

Byakuya smiled fondly at both of them before pulling them into a tight hug. 

“I’m sure you will.” He whispered, closing his eyes when he felt the two boys hugging him back. 

  
  
  
  


They were six years old at that time. Senku couldn’t remember well, but he was pretty sure it was one of those afternoons in that hot summer that Gen spent with them, right after his mom had found a job that made her spend the whole day working and she couldn't afford a babysitter, so Byakuya had offered to take care of him. 

Maybe that summer Senku started liking him, but he didn’t even realize what he felt about Gen wasn’t just friendship until much later.

Even if Senku was a science person, he couldn’t help but think that maybe Gen’s presence always lingered either close to him or in his mind because that string had stayed there ever since, as an invisible force that kept them together. 

Senku sighed and turned around on the bed, closing his eyes. His friends were coming over to have pizza for dinner, but he obviously wasn’t in the mood. 

He was going to tell them the truth. Gen wasn’t going to come until later, so it was the perfect opportunity to tell everyone what was happening and what would surely happen in the near future.

He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed again. 

Surgery? Was he really going to lose his ability to love? 

It wasn’t even about loving Gen anymore. He wouldn’t be able to love his dad, his friends, science… He’d feel as if part of him went missing and he was incomplete, even more than what he was now. 

And that wasn’t an option. A life without feeling love wasn’t a real life at all.

Senku preferred dying. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, and he instantly stood up. 

“We’re here! I brought some beers.” Kohaku hugged him as soon as Senku opened the door, her muscular arms tightly wrapping around him. 

“You look good, Senku.” Yuzuriha smiled at him as soon as Kohaku backed away, and the blonde scoffed. It was clearly a lie, but he didn’t say anything, pulled into Taiju’s hug before he could even reply sarcastically at his friend. 

Tsukasa hugged him too, right after Taiju, and asked a quick “everything okay?”, to which the blonde simply nodded. 

“How are you?” Ukyo asked after closing the door behind him, and Senku just sighed. It looked like a good enough answer for his friend, who just pursed his lips and nodded. “Let’s go with everyone else.”

They were all awfully happy, and it just made Senku feel worse. Maybe it was true that the shittier you feel, the more beautiful the world is around you. His friends were conversing with a smile plastered in their faces, giggling and hugging each other when someone said something funny. 

Senku sat there and just looked at everyone else, silently eating his pizza. His heart was racing just with the thought of how everything was going to change once he said the words, so he was trying to put it off for as long as he could. He wanted to keep that happy atmosphere going, even if he wasn’t part of it. 

“So, how’s everything going, Senku?” Yuzuriha asked, and the blonde’s breath hitched. There it was. 

He felt Tsukasa and Ukyo’s gaze on him, and he willed for his heart to slow down before speaking. It didn’t work, just made the slight tremble of his hands even more noticeable. 

“I have something to tell you all.” His voice was weak, but he couldn’t afford to seem stronger. He wasn’t. 

Some of his friends smiled at him with anticipation, curious to know what he wanted to tell them, thinking that maybe it was a good thing. 

“I have the Hanahaki disease.”

Silence. 

He didn’t know what else he had been expecting. Maybe some crying, others being in denial? Whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t this deafening silence.

“And what…?” Chrome’s voice faltered. “And what are you going to do?” 

Tsukasa straightened his back. “Well, we went to the doctor and-” 

“Probably die.” Senku said over him. “There’s no other option.”

Ukyo didn’t say a thing, he just kept staring at the blonde, his lips pursed. Senku looked back at him, and although he was hoping his friend could read the silent plea to just go and  _ hug him _ because he needed it, he knew he couldn’t communicate as much just with a glance. 

“Please, don’t tell Gen.” Senku’s voice was low, but everyone seemed to have heard it, because Kohaku huffed and folded her arms. 

“Senku, he deserves to know.” Yuzuriha’s voice was soft, but it made the blonde’s hands tremble.

“I know, I know. It’s just-” He was cut off by Kohaku, who had sat up straight and was glaring at him, her eyes glistening with tears.

“There’s surgery for the Hanahaki disease.” The blonde girl said. “I’ve read about it.”

“It’s not an option.” Senku said as calmly as possible.

“Are you telling me you’re really going to die just because you’re so in love with Gen that you’re willing to  _ lose your life _ for him?” Kohaku asked, her tone rising with anger. 

“Surgery isn’t an option because there’s a high chance I’d lose my ability to feel love at all.” He was trying to keep his tone steady, but his voice was shaky, almost as much as the hands that were gripping the fabric of his trousers. “And living without love is the same as dying.” Was he saying it to convince her or himself? He didn’t even know.

“Could you even give a more  _ selfish _ reason?!” Kohaku’s tone was even louder now. She stood up, taking a step towards Senku, but Taiju stopped her by gripping her wrist. “Do you think Gen would really be okay with all of this? Do you think we’re just going to let you die without doing anything to help?!” She was screaming now, tears running down her face, and Senku lowered his gaze, trying his best not to cry too. 

“Kohaku, it’s best if we all just…” Before Ukyo could finish the doorbell rang, and they all froze for a second. “Let me get that.” He sighed, walking out of the living room. 

“Please, Kohaku. Calm down.” Yuzuriha gripped her friend’s sleeve, trying to get her to sit back down. 

“I can’t calm down. I can’t see a friend suffer and die and do nothing.” She talked back, and before Yuzuriha could try and reason with her, Ukyo came back, followed by none other than Gen. 

“Hello everyone!” He said in a cheery tone, smiling at everyone. If he had noticed the mood in the room, he was trying his best to lift it up. 

Kohaku brushed her tears away and sat back down on the chair, folding her arms and glaring at Senku. The blonde was thanking the fact that he was wearing a hoodie that covered all the kiss and bite marks he had, or everyone would’ve made the connection between his marks and Gen’s, who were on display with that v-neck white t-shirt he was wearing.

“Let’s just watch the film and have fun.” Tsukasa mumbled, turning the TV on. 

It was awkward at first. Everyone stared silently at the film, Kohaku still silently crying, until Chrome and Taiju started talking about the film and finally, everyone else chimed in. 

Gen had been silently munching on a slice of pizza sitting next to the table, but once he finished he stood up and walked over to the sofa, looking down at Senku.

“Can I sit here?” He asked. The blonde looked to his side, where Chrome was sitting and wondered  _ where the hell _ Gen was referring to with “here”. 

“Sure.” He moved further to the side, his whole body almost slumped over the armrest, but somehow he instantly found comfort the moment Gen squeezed himself between Chrome and him. 

He tried focusing on the film, but started getting distracted when he felt Gen curling against his side, his knees tucked up to his chest and his head resting on his shoulder. 

“I think I’m going to move in next week.” He whispered, loud enough for Senku to pick it up. He hummed, trying to keep his eyes focused on the movie, but suddenly Gen was throwing both of his legs over his lap and pressing even more against his side. 

Senku didn’t have any other option but wrap his arm around his best friend’s waist, suddenly feeling everyone’s gaze on them. He tried to keep his gaze focused on the movie, ignoring the way Gen was now rubbing his nose against the crook of his neck. 

The blonde felt his best friend’s slim body relax against his, finally resting his head back on his shoulder and closing his eyes. 

They spent the rest of the film like that, Senku occasionally exchanging glances with Tsukasa and Ukyo, who looked almost as confused as him. It wasn’t weird for Gen to be affectionate towards Senku in public, but there was something…  _ Intimate _ about the way he was dozed off on the blonde’s arms that most definitely wasn’t going unnoticed by anyone.

“I’m going home.” Kohaku said as soon as the movie credits started rolling, standing up and taking her things. She didn’t even wait for Senku to wave her off the door, just rushed outside.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home.” Ukyo rested his hand on Gen’s shoulder, who groaned and pressed his face against Senku’s neck.

“Can I stay over?” He muttered against the blonde’s neck, and Senku looked up at Ukyo, who was frowning. 

He weighed his options. Maybe letting Gen stay over wasn’t the best idea, especially with the possibility of him making a move like he’d done yesterday. But, on the other hand, Senku needed something to ground him, and his best friend was the best option.

Also, his body felt so good curled up against his, Gen’s soft breaths against his skin and the weight of his legs on top of Senku making him relaxed. 

The thought of Gen staying the night just because he  _ knew _ stopped his train of thought for a moment, the thumb that had been absentmindedly rubbing circles on his best friend’s thigh stopping, and Gen almost instantly shifted on his side, tucking his knees up against his chest until he’s curled up almost completely on top of the blonde’s lap.

“Yes, you can.” Senku finally responded, his eyes still fixed on Ukyo’s. Gen hummed pleased.

The blonde slightly shook his head, his eyes travelling from Senku to Gen, before mumbling a quick “goodbye” and going out the door. 

They were finally alone. Senku wrapped his arm around his best friend’s waist even more tightly. 

“You should go to bed.” He whispered, and Gen groaned, rubbing his face against the blonde’s neck.

“Can I sleep with you?” 

Senku sighed, closing his eyes for a second before answering. 

“Of course.” ‘No’ wasn’t even an option. “Come on, let’s go.” He said, even though he couldn’t stand up. After sighing against his neck Gen backed away from him, finally standing up. 

Senku stood up too, but before he could walk to his bedroom Gen wrapped his arms around his waist, sliding his hands under his hoodie. 

“Why are you so cuddly today?” The blonde asked, one of his hands going up to his best friend’s nape. 

“I’m sorry.” The words were said against the fabric of his hoodie, but Senku heard then, his body going stiff.

“About what?”

Not realizing Senku was in love with him? Hooking up with other people and talking to him about it? Senku having the Hanahaki disease? 

“Yesterday.” Gen backed away just enough to look directly at him. His dark blue eyes were sad and shining a bit, as if he was close to crying. “I… I’m sorry. I feel like I forced you to do it, and… I’m sorry.” 

“Hey.” Senku cupped his best friend’s cheek with a hand, Gen instantly leaning into the touch. He was biting his bottom lip, surely to hold back the tears. “Everything’s fine, okay?”

He grabbed Gen’s hand and guided him to his room, trying to gather his thoughts. Did Gen really think he had felt forced to fool around with him yesterday? How could he not notice he was so in love with him it  _ hurt _ ?

His best friend dropped down on the bed with a sigh, and as soon as Senku lied down next to him Gen curled his body against his, pressing his forehead against the blonde’s chest. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “It was selfish of me. I didn’t think it could ruin our friendship.”

“Gen.” Senku said, making his best friend look up at him with his big, now glistening with tears, dark blue eyes. “Stop apologizing. I did it because I wanted to, okay?” 

It was stupid. Senku knew he shouldn’t do it, but before he could think twice he lowered his head, dragging his lips over Gen’s neck before softly kissing one of the bite marks he’d left there last night. His friend’s body relaxed instantly, a soft sigh escaping from his lips.

He wasn’t doing it in a sexual way whatsoever. It was like a need to reassure Gen that those kisses and bites he’d left yesterday were still remembered and relinquished by him today, no matter the circumstances.

Senku moved over to another one of the marks, leaving a kiss there too. He repeated the process until he considered he’d covered most of Gen’s neck expanse with kisses. He looked back up at his friend, who had closed his eyes with a small smile on his lips, and wrapped his arms around him, pressing their bodies together.

“Nothing’s going to ruin our friendship, okay?” Senku reassured him in a whisper, and when Gen opened his eyes, he held up his pinky finger in front of him. “I promise.”

His best friend smiled before interlocking his finger with the blonde’s, sealing a promise that Senku knew well he couldn’t keep with the very same fingers that years ago had been tied together by a red string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Does Gen know Senku has the disease or is he just in love with him too?
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment, it motivates me a lot to keep writing this story!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	6. First night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just Senku suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite a hard chapter to read so beware, I guess?? There are mentions of secondary effects of painkillers, and Senku suffers a lot overall.
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)

Waking up and realizing Gen wasn’t next to him was a painful way to start his morning. 

Not only because the thought of him waking up and not waiting for Senku made the blonde feel even more guilty about everything that he had been thinking about after his conversation with Ukyo, but also because as soon as he realized he didn’t have his best friend close, Senku’s chest started aching. Before he was even fully awake, he was tumbling to the bathroom as fast as he could to prevent vomiting last night’s pizza and a few flowers all over his bed.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down the ringing in his ears and the wild beating of his heart, before sitting down on the cold bathroom floor and running a hand through his hair, damp with sweat. 

A soft whine escaped his lips when the sharp pain on his chest appeared again, one of his hands clutching on the front of his t-shirt as if he’d be able to stop it if he touched it. 

He stood up as best as he could, his free hand gripping the sink while the other still clutched his t-shirt, applying so much pressure with his nails that Senku was sure he was going to leave some ugly marks on him. The pain of his nails helped to ground him, distracting him from the sharp ache on his chest enough for him to grab the painkillers the doctor had prescribed him and swallowing one of them as if it was just candy. 

“Fuck.” He whispered, sitting back down on the bathroom floor, waiting for the pain to go away. He tucked his knees up to his chest, resting his forehead on them and biting the inside of his cheek. 

For a second he thought that maybe calling Ukyo or Tsukasa for them to come and just keep him company until the pain went away and he could breathe normally again was a good idea, but then he remembered his phone was somewhere in his bedroom, and he wasn’t feeling strong enough to walk over there.

He lied down sideways on the floor, his eyes closed and his whole body covered in a cold sweat that, after the painkiller started soothing his senses, made him shiver and even feel a bit dizzy. 

Senku finally sat up once his head cleared, standing up slowly and making his way to the bedroom. He dropped down on the bed with a soft grunt, and took his phone from the bedside table.

A missed call from Ukyo, 15 messages from Kohaku, no signs of Gen whatsoever.

He called back Ukyo, who took less than five seconds to pick up. “Senku?” The blonde groaned as a response, and his friend sighed before talking again. “Is Gen still there with you?”

“No, why?” He rubbed his face, trying to make the dizziness go away.

Ukyo sighed and stayed silent for a few seconds, as if he was distracted about something. “Nothing, I already found him. Call you later.” 

Before Senku could ask him what he was talking about the blonde hung up. He groaned and tossed the mobile phone to the bed, closing his eyes again.

  
  
  


“So, where was Gen?” Senku asked the next day, sitting down on the grass next to Ukyo, who was reading something for his Latin class. The sun reflected on his white hair and made his eyes lighter and shinier than usual, almost making him look like one of those greek gods he spent hours researching and reading about. 

“There’s a place we go to whenever one of us isn’t feeling okay. I found him there.” He replied, his eyes still fixed on the book. 

“Why was he not feeling okay?” The blonde asked again, a pool of guilt already forming in the pit of his stomach. 

“I think you know.” Ukyo said distractedly, skimming through the book. 

“He apologized about what happened the other day, but I told him it was okay.” Senku said confused, and his friend sighed exasperatedly.

“You’re so oblivious sometimes.” 

Senku blinked a few times, trying to grasp the blonde’s intention behind those words. He looked away from him and at the grass, frowning slightly. “I don’t understand.” He finally said, gaining another sigh from Ukyo.

“As much as you tell him it’s okay, Gen is still noticing how you’re drifting away from him and from everyone else.” 

“Oh.” Senku’s voice was soft, distracted. “But that isn’t his fault.”

“It isn’t?” Ukyo closed the book and leaned back with his hands on the grass, closing his eyes when the sun met them. He looked back at Senku and raised his eyebrows. “He doesn’t know about the Hanahaki disease, but he isn’t that stupid not to know it’s something related to him.”

The blonde stayed silent for a few seconds, his hands fidgeting with a strand of grass he’d picked up from the ground.

Was he really unconsciously blaming all of this on Gen? He halted for a few seconds and tried to gather his thoughts enough to find a coherent answer, but he didn’t find it as fast as he’d expected. It wasn’t his fault, it obviously wasn’t, but some part of him blamed him for making a move so late on their relationship. He tightened his jaw and reprimanded himself. Gen didn’t deserve to take the blame for everything. If he had feelings for Senku too, they both were guilty of not confessing their feelings earlier.

“I’m not angry with him. Not about what happened the other day.” The blonde repeated, more for himself than for his friend.

“I know you aren’t. I’m sure he knows it too. He’s just finding something to blame for the way your distancing from him.” Ukyo’s voice was soft, his eyes scanning Senku’s every gesture, making sure whatever he said didn’t harm him. 

They stayed silent for a few seconds, the blonde’s nervous hands tearing again and again the strand of grass, until there wasn’t anything more than a small piece of it, the rest discarded on the ground, just as shattered as how Senku was feeling. 

“I’m just so tired, Ukyo.” He whispered, his shoulders shaking involuntarily. Senku wanted to cry, to scream, to find the strength to kick the ground and fight back the feelings that were surging his body, but there wasn’t anything there. Just pain, both physical and mental. “I want everything to end already.”

He noticed Ukyo shift in his place, probably wanting to say or do something to comfort him. Whatever it was, he didn’t do it, simply staying next to Senku in silence, maybe hoping his presence was enough to make him feel a bit better.

  
  
  
  


The pain wasn’t going away. Sometimes Senku was numb enough to just feel a slight discomfort inside his chest, but other times it was blinding, leaving him gasping for air and his whole body convulsing in a need to make it _go away._

The painkillers worked just enough to let him function throughout the day, and being so drugged made him sleep soundly at night, getting out of bed being a whole mission some days (basically the ones where he wasn’t waking up and having to rush to the bathroom to vomit flowers, sometimes two or three at the same time).

He spent the rest of the week in a state of constant dizziness and slumber horrible, going from home to uni and back without even realizing it, not remembering if he'd really attended classes or just rode the train non-stop until his brain had been conscious enough to make him go back home. 

Gen was moving in that weekend, the thought of it just making Senku’s whole body fill with anxiety. 

He’d asked Tsukasa to help him tidy up the house before Gen arrived, which had ended up with the blonde just sitting down on the sofa staring at his friend while he did everything else. 

“If you want to sleep you should go to bed.” Tsukasa said when he looked over at him and saw Senku’s half-closed eyes, the blonde trying to fight off the urge to fall asleep. 

“I’m okay, just a little bit drowsy.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. The brunette looked at him from the other side of the room disapprovingly, but continued with his chores without saying anything else. 

“How are the painkillers working?” He asked after a few minutes in silence, his eyes still focused on dusting off the shelves. 

“They’re strong, but not strong enough. They make me sleepy and slow, but the pain doesn’t completely go away.”

Tsukasa nodded before continuing with the cleaning, Senku’s tired eyes followed his every movement, his head filled with thoughts but at the same time blank, a feeling that made him annoyed. 

“Have you ever fallen in love?” He finally asked, his question making Tsukasa suddenly stop and look at him. His eyes were unfocused, as if he was trying to find an answer a question that Senku had thought was quite simple.

“I haven’t.” Tsukasa finally answered, focusing back on Senku. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten close to that feeling anyways.”

“So, how do you view it? From your perspective.” 

“View what?” The brunette asked confused, and Senku had to bite the inside of his cheek to make sure he stayed focused on the conversation. 

“Love. Falling in love, hard. How do you feel when you see it in movies, or in people close to you?” 

Tsukasa shifted on the place, as if he was trying to find the right words. He hummed, lost in thought, until he finally answered. “It’s kinda weird. Something that you want to grasp, but at the same time, the full picture doesn't seem as promising as they make you think.”

Senku looked away, hiding his hands on his sweater paws and trying to steady his breathing for the pain that was starting to form back on his chest to go away. 

“If I had to put it into words,” Tsukasa continued, and the blonde looked back at him. “I guess it’s like seeing a bunch of people dance, but you’re unable to listen to the music.”

Senku nodded and looked away. If Tsukasa noticed the way the blonde proceeded to silently cry for the next hour he didn’t say a thing, maybe too distracted with all the things he had to take care of to even realize. 

The blonde had thought that maybe Tsukasa’s answer would somehow make him feel better, but he had been terribly wrong.

If only, it had confirmed his fear; no one, not even himself, would ever come to fully understand whatever he was feeling. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? I think you should tell Gen to come over tomorrow.” Tsukasa’s voice brought him back to reality, and Senku wiped the tears off his face before looking at him. 

“Yeah, don’t worry.” His voice was low, and the brunette frowned at him. 

“Do you think Gen will need help bringing the boxes up?” He asked, brushing his long hair out of his face. 

“No, I’m sure he’ll handle it just fine.” Senku mumbled, rubbing his eyes tired. “You can go now. Thanks for everything.”

Tsukasa walked over to him and patted his head, his eyes glowing with a hint of sadness. “It’s nothing. Take care.” He said before leaving.

Senku sighed and leaned back on the sofa, softly grunting when his head lightly hit the armrest. He curled up and hugged one of the pillows, hiding his face in it. His breath was starting to slow down, the blonde drifting into sleep, when the doorbell rang, startling him awake.

He stood up and walked over to the door. Gen was looking almost as tired as he was, his black and white hair tousled, a big oversized sweatshirt covering most of his body and a huge suitcase on his side.

“Hello.” Senku mumbled, letting Gen come in. His best friend dropped the suitcase on the entrance with a groan and stretched his arms lazily. 

“God, I thought I was strong enough to carry it upstairs without dying.” He looked back at the blonde, and wrapped his arms around him. “How are you?”

“Good.” He answered softly, thoughtlessly rubbing his nose against Gen’s neck. “A bit tired.”

“Me too.” His best friend sighed once they parted, and briefly glanced at the suitcase before looking back at Senku. “How about I cook ramen for dinner and we go to bed early? I wasn’t planning on unpacking today anyway.” He brought his hand up, probably to cup the blonde’s cheek with it, but he stopped halfway, awkwardly putting it on his shoulder.

“Sounds good.”

Senku sat back down on the sofa, trying to stay awake while he heard his best friend prepare dinner. He took his mobile phone and looked at the notifications; he still had Kohaku’s messages unread, Ukyo had texted him about something he wasn’t interested enough to read about, and a missed call from his dad.

He’d talked with Byakuya once during the week, trying his best to seem busy with an assignment so the call lasted as short as he could. He had only asked him how he was, whether what Gen had told him was real… 

“You know that if you need it I’ll go back home as soon as I possibly can, right?” Byakuya had said, his voice filled with worry.

And ruining his father’s life-long dream of becoming an astronaut? It wasn’t even an option. “Dad, I promise I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Senku groaned when he remembered that conversation, pressing his face against the sofa. He checked the time; there were three hours left until he could take another painkiller, but the pain was starting to take form again. 

“Let’s eat.” Gen’s voice brought him back to reality. He sat up on the sofa and took the bowl full of ramen his best friend handed him. He rested the bowl on his lap and looked over at Gen, who had sat down on the other side of the sofa.

They ate in silence, Senku munching on his food too lost in thought to even notice the way Gen was looking at him. He left the bowl on the coffee table before turning towards his best friend, who raised his eyebrows at him.

Senku stayed silent a few seconds, trying to decide if his need to feel Gen’s body’s warmth against his was part of his distorted sense of reality or it was just his love for him talking. He crawled towards him, and, as if he read his intentions, his friend left his food on the table before opening his arms and legs, letting the blonde lie down on top of him, his head resting on his shoulder.

“Sleepy?” Gen’s voice was soft, and Senku opened his eyes, looking up at him. His eyes involuntarily went down to his lips, where they stayed for a few seconds, until he ended up nuzzling against his best friend’s neck, humming.

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you go to bed?” Gen asked, his arms wrapping around Senku’s body, hugging him tightly. The blonde closed his eyes, feeling the pain on his chest that had started to appear subside a bit, and he decided to stay silent. Maybe if he fell asleep on top of him, his best friend would just deal with it and hug him the whole night, which was what he most needed in the world right now. No painkiller could compete against the feeling of Gen’s arms around him. “Hmm?” He insisted when Senku didn’t respond, one of his hands lightly squeezing his waist.

“I want to sleep with you.” 

He felt Gen’s body stiffen a bit under him. He nuzzled against his neck again, and he felt his friend relax a bit. “Are you sure?” 

“Hmm. Yeah.” Senku said, his voice muffled against Gen’s skin. He felt his hands rub his back and closed his eyes again. 

“Let’s go to bed, then.”

It was the last thing Senku wanted to do in the world, but he kneeled on the sofa, backing away from him and trying to force back the pout that his lips wanted to form. Gen stood up and looked down at him with a smile. 

“Come on.” 

Senku finally stood up and followed Gen to his room. He watched his best friend take off his hoodie, t-shirt and pants and get under the bed covers, standing awkwardly on the threshold. His whole body had paralyzed, suddenly the pain on his chest surging up to an astronomical level.

Before Gen had a chance to even ask him what was happening, Senku turned around in the spot and rushed to the bathroom, instantly kneeling in front of the toilet and vomiting so much he thought for a second he was just throwing up his whole insides. He stared at the flowers mixed with all the vomit and tried to choke down the tears that were threatening to come out of his eyes.

“Senku…” Gen was peeking inside the bathroom from the hallway, his voice and gaze filled with worry. The blonde flushed the toilet and stood up, trying his best to ignore the black spots blinding his vision. “Are you okay?”

The blonde blinked a few times, trying to focus, and when he saw Gen’s expression, a mix of sadness and worry and… heartbreak, he knew he couldn’t take it anymore. He rushed out of the bathroom, softly pushing his best friend away, before walking to the door and slipping his shoes on.

“I need… I need to go somewhere.” He mumbled, taking his keys but leaving them on the same spot after a second of hesitation. Gen would need them more than him. “I’ll be back.” He said, unable to concentrate on whatever his best friend was telling him, before going out the door. 

He heard Gen open the door after he had closed it behind him, but he was too focused on not falling down the stairs to even listen to what he was yelling at him. He knew he wasn’t going to go after him, not on his underwear, so he had a few minutes to get as far as he could from his apartment building.

And that’s what he did. As soon as the warm spring breeze hit him once he got outside he started running down the street as fast as he could, not caring about the pain in his chest or the way his knees were complaining at the sudden physical strain. 

He let himself stop for a second once he reached the riverside, resting his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths. Senku finally straightened up and started walking alongside the river, sometimes having to jump off the path to let cyclist pass by him without getting ran over.

Suddenly he stopped, the breath knocked out of his lungs by the sudden pain that struck on his chest. How much time had already passed since the last painkiller he took?

He clutched the front of his hoodie as hard as he could, almost as if his body was unconsciously trying to rip his lungs out, as long as the pain stopped. His breathing was short and ragged, and before he could realize his knees gave out, falling on the grass with a soft thud.

Senku was pretty sure he was going to die right then and there. He was going to die alone in the middle of the street at night time when he could’ve slept next to the love of his life and just forget all of his life problems for at least a few hours. 

He covered his mouth when he started coughing and froze when he saw his hand covered in blood. 

He was dying. He was being torn open from the insides by _love_. 

The blonde forced himself to stand up, not caring about the blood trickling down his mouth or the way his nape was covered in a cold sweat, making strands of hair stick to his neck. He took a step, then another painful one, his eyes focused on one thing on the distance; the telephone booth. 

He repeated Tsukasa’s telephone number under his breath as if it was a mantra, somehow making him endure the pain enough for him to slowly walk over to the booth.

He was so close, _so close_ , a few more steps and he’d be able to reach it. He was panting, breathing as hard as ever, his lungs painfully expanding and constricting, and the pain in his chest only growing bigger and bigger.

Just when he thought he was going to reach it and be able to call his friend he tumbled and fell back on the ground, the impact sending a shock of pain all over his body.

So this was it. 

He was going to die, alone and without being able to see Gen one last time.

Maybe that last thought was what truly made Senku’s heart break, the blonde feeling the pain reach his crescendo before he passed out on the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Senku :(( I feel so bad for him
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment, it motivates me a lot to keep writing this story!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	7. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback and an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warnings / Hospital, mention of a panic attack.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)

The party was packed. Senku and his friends barely made it inside, having to push out of the way dancing bodies or couples shamelessly making out. 

“This looks fun.” Yuzuriha said, a false smile plastered on her face. Senku knew well she wasn’t in the mood for partying, but, unsurprisingly, Gen and Kohaku had managed to convince everyone to go out with them. 

The blonde had seen high school parties in movies, but he didn’t expect them to be as bad as they seemed. He was constantly being pushed by someone’s dancing, and he was already starting to sweat. It was really hot inside, and he was missing the fresh air from outside.

“Do you want a drink, Senku?” Taiju asked, yelling over the music, and the blonde nodded.

“A fizzy drink, please.” 

“I’ll go with you.” Yuzuriha said, taking Taiju’s arm and making their way to the kitchen, leaving Senku alone.

Well, he technically wasn’t alone, but Gen and Kohaku were definitely too busy grinding against each other on the dancefloor to even pay attention to him. 

His eyes followed Gen’s silhouette, stopping at his face. His best friend was smiling, his eyes closed and his body swaying with the music. Senku fixed his eyes on his best friend’s lips, which now were moving with the lyrics he was muttering under his breath, and flashbacks from last month came rushing into the blonde’s mind.

They had kissed. Sometimes he forgot about it, as if everything had been a dream, but it hadn’t. A month ago, Gen had sat on top of his lap and had ask him to let him kiss him.

Senku hadn’t asked about what had happened in the end with that girl, but Gen hadn’t brought it up either, so whatever happened, it hadn’t meant too much to him. 

But now that his friend had been introduced to what was like making out with someone, it seemed like he was unstoppable. He had already been on a bunch of dates with a bunch of people (boys or girls, Senku still didn’t know, but part of him was secretly hoping his best friend was bisexual), and attended a bunch of parties. 

At first he’d been reluctant to attend this one because he was kinda afraid of feeling heartbroken by the sight of Gen flirting with someone else, but seeing his best friend clinging to Kohaku constantly made him feel a bit relieved. 

“Here’s your drink.” Taiju’s voice startled him, and Senku tore his gaze away from Gen to look back at his friend. He grabbed the glass with a smile and took a sip of it. It was cold, and his body instantly appreciated it. 

“Are we going to just stand here the whole night?” Yuzuriha asked over the music. Senku and Taiju looked at each other before shrugging. 

“Pretty much.” They said in unison, and the brunette girl sighed. 

“Why are we even here then?” She asked, folding her arms and leaning against the wall.

“To make sure Kohaku and Gen don’t go crazy.” Senku explained, looking back at his best friend. He was still dancing with Kohaku, surprisingly knowing every song that played.

“They’re already crazy.” Yuzuriha said, trying to sound annoyed by it, but unable not to smile. 

Senku was noticing every person that stopped mid-dance to look at Gen and Kohaku, dancing in the middle of the dance floor almost exhilarated to be there, huge smiles plastered on their faces and moving their hips with surprising expertise. He understood people’s surprise. They both were astoundingly pretty, Kohaku with her toned yet curvy body, and Gen with his soft features, black hair and deep blue eyes, which under the red and blue lights looked black. 

He wanted to be the one approaching Gen. Make a snarky comment about the music, ask him whether he wants a drink or go outside to get some fresh air, and spend some time with his best friend. Maybe, if he was bold enough, kiss him again.

But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Daydreams were just that, daydreams.

The girl that was now talking with Gen proved him exactly that. They were just talking, but the blonde was noticing the subtle touches on the arm, his best friend’s cockiness in his smile, and a wave of jealousness took over him. _That_ was exactly what he was never going to have.

He forced himself to look away and took another sip of his drink.

“Senku, we’re going to go outside for a bit. Are you coming?” Taiju asked, and Senku stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to decide. 

He finally shook his head and forced a smile. “No, I’m fine.”

His friends nodded before walking away from him, leaving the blonde alone. Senku sighed and leaned his back against the wall, his eyes focused on Gen and the girl he was talking with. 

Some part of him told him he shouldn’t be seeing this, but Senku couldn’t take his eyes off of them. 

They were definitely going to kiss. She was leaning to tell him something on his ear, and Gen was smiling, one of his hands wrapped around her slim waist, and she…

“Hello.” A voice pulled him back to reality, and the blonde turned to his right. A brunette girl was smiling at him. He studied her face for a few seconds; he was sure he’d seen her somewhere before, but he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where. “Don’t you recognize me? I’m from the science club.”

“Oh,” Senku chuckled, trying to look as if he’d already remembered who she was. He hadn’t. “It’s difficult to recognize you without the lab coat.” He joked, and she smiled even more, taking a step closer to him.

“I didn’t think you were much keen on parties.” She said over the music, and Senku rubbed the back of his neck, a small smile on his lips.

“I’m not, honestly. My friends forced me to come.” 

“And where are they?” She asked, looking around and then back at the blonde.

“They left me alone.” He pouted, and the girl laughed, taking another step closer. They were centimeters away, and Senku was tempted to look back at Gen to check if he was seeing this.

It was petty, but he didn’t mind. If he could make his best friend feel even a fifth of the jealousy he was feeling right now, it was enough for him. He forced himself to keeps his eyes fixed on her.

“Do you want company?” She asked, a playful smile on her lips. 

Senku was surprised by his acting when he flicked his eyes down to her mouth and then back up, subtly biting his bottom lip. “I won’t complain.”

She grinned and got closer to him, their bodies almost touching. She started explaining him something related to the science club, but he wasn’t even listening, his eyes occasionally looking back at Gen. He was still talking with the girl from before, his arms wrapped around her waist.

Suddenly he looked up, and his eyes met Senku’s. The blonde just smiled and fixed his gaze on the science club girl, who was still explaining something, and brought his hand up to push a strand of hair off her face. 

“What are you-” She blushed when Senku’s hand rested on her neck, using his thumb to make her look up. “What are you doing?” She asked, and the blonde smiled before leaning closer.

“You know what? I think I prefer you even better without the lab coat.” He said on her ear, and smiled when she heard her chuckle. His gaze traveled for less than a second over to Gen, who was still looking at them, not listening to what the girl on her arms was telling him. “Can I kiss you?” He asked over the music once he looked back at her.

She blinked twice, trying to process his words, until she faintly nodded. “Yes, I-... Of course.” 

Senku didn’t even look back at Gen to make sure he was looking, because he definitely was. He leaned towards the girl, their lips brushing for a short moment, before resting his hand on her nape and finally kissing her. 

She made a small noise against his mouth when their lips pressed together, her hands gripping Senku’s t-shirt, and their bodies pressing together. It was a slow kiss, but the blonde was getting more frustrated each second that passed. 

He wasn’t feeling anything. It wasn’t like the explosion he’d felt when Gen had kissed him, it was just numbness. Had kissing his best friend made him numb to any other feeling towards anyone else?

Senku backed away for a second, his gaze going back to Gen, and a rush of adrenaline went through his body when their eyes met again.

His best friend’s eyes were wide open, his jaw slack, as if he was dumbstruck by what he’d seen.

The blonde had to suppress his smile, and he leaned back towards the science club girl, kissing her again.

Maybe he wasn’t feeling anything towards her, but knowing that Gen was looking and was surprised and maybe even _annoyed_ by it made everything exciting, a rush of adrenaline surging through his body.

“You’re such a good kisser.” The girl said breathlessly once they parted again, and Senku smiled.

 _I guess I learned from the best_.

  
  
  
  


Senku wondered how he could feel so dizzy even with his eyes closed. He refused to open them, secretly hoping that, if he kept them closed, he could be able to go back to sleep.

He finally blinked, the white light hurting his eyes and making him squint. A small groan escaped his lips, and he tried turning on his side, but his whole body was sore. 

“You’re finally awake.” Tsukasa’s voice startled him. He forced himself to fully open his eyes, looking at the brunette. He had stood up and walked over to the bed, and Senku groaned again.

“Where am I?” He asked, although he knew the answer. His voice was raspy, and his throat also felt sore. 

“Hospital. We brought you here five hours ago already.”

“‘We’...?” Senku asked, closing his eyes. He felt Tsukasa get closer to the bed and sit down on the edge of it, next to the blonde.

“Well, I-...” Before he could explain it, a nurse opened the door, looking at Senku and smiling.

“Hello, dear. Glad to know you’re already awake.” She maybe was older than his dad, with warm brown eyes and an equally warm smile. “How are you feeling?” She asked when she reached the bed, resting her hand on Senku’s ankle, lightly squeezing it through the fabric of the sheets.

“Tired. A bit dizzy.” 

She hummed when she heard her response, checking the serum that was being administered intravenously into Senku’s arm. 

“You collapsed because your body neglected the painkillers you’d been taking this last week.” The nurse explained once she looked back at him. The blonde nodded, lazily blinking at her, and she smiled. “Do you feel pain in your chest as of now?”

Senku shook his head, and he heard Tsukasa exhale a sigh of relief.

“That’s good. I’m going to let you sleep now, okay? Your boyfriend will be here soon, too. I heard he’s fine now.” She said, checking the serum one last time before exiting the room.

The blonde looked back at Tsukasa, a frown on his face, before talking. “Boyfriend?”

His friend sighed, sitting back down on the bed and fiddling with the edge of his hoodie. They stayed silent for a few seconds, Senku’s eyes fixed on the brunette, waiting for a response.

“Ukyo and I were home, watching a film when Gen called. He told us something about you vomiting, then running away… You know. In less than ten minutes we were at your apartment.”

Tsukasa stopped for a moment, and Senku could feel his heart beating fast inside his chest, scared of what he was going to say next.

“We…” He sighed, trying to compose his thoughts. “Ukyo-... Well, no, it was the both of us…” Tsukasa pursed his lips, faltering.

“What is it?” Senku insisted, trying to sit up on the bed. His arms gave out under his weight, dropping back down on the bed, but at least he’d managed to get Tsukasa to look at him.

“We told him.” He said, the words and his breath coming out together as if he couldn’t bear to hide it anymore. “We told Gen about what’s happening to you… And he had a panic attack.”

Senku froze, his eyes fixed on the brunette, and for a second he felt the whole world crumble around him. He closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath. 

It was his fault. All this was his fault.

“Ukyo stayed with him the whole time while I went to look for you. I guess I was lucky to think the first place you’d go to would be the riverside.” Tsukasa chuckled, although his expression didn’t show joy at all. “A girl that was passing by when you collapsed had already called an ambulance. I phoned Ukyo and told him I had found you, when he told me Gen still hadn’t calmed down. We decided to call an ambulance for him too. Amidst his panic, he told all the staff he is your boyfriend and that he demanded to see you.”

The blonde blinked, feeling the tears run down his cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to calm down his breath, but unable to contain the sob that escaped his lips.

“He’s perfectly okay now, I promise. I was with him an hour ago and he was already fine. They gave him some tranquilizer as soon as he arrived, and he’s in a room downstairs with Ukyo.” Tsukasa tried to reassure him, resting one hand on the blonde’s arm.

“My father?” Senku asked, trying to ignore the fact that he was still crying, and that he didn’t think he’d be able to stop anytime soon.

“We called him, and he is trying to find a way to come as fast as possible.”

“Tell him no.” Senku closed his eyes again, trying to calm down his breathing, sobbing every time he remembered Gen was also in this hospital because of him.

“But-” 

“Please, can Ukyo come? I want him to tell me how’s Gen.” He cut Tsukasa off, his voice weak. “Please.”

Tsukasa hesitated for a moment, but the finally stood up. “Sure.” He muttered before going out the room, leaving Senku alone.

The blonde closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, his hands clenching and unclenching in an effort to calm himself. The arm that was connected to the serum hurt slightly, but he didn’t care. At this point, he deserved to feel at least a bit of pain. For making Gen suffer.

Before he could stop the tears started again, this time even more and harder. He brought his hand up to his mouth to muffle his sobs, but as much as he tried to stop crying he couldn’t.

He took a deep breath when the door opened, Ukyo’s silver head peeking from the doorway. Senku tried sitting up again, but he didn’t have enough strength. 

“How are you?” Ukyo asked once he closed the door behind him, walking over to Senku’s bed and sitting down next to him. 

The blonde wiped the tears away from his eyes before talking. “How’s Gen?” His voice was wet, and he felt his nose runny because of all the crying.

Ukyo chuckled and shook his head, taking a kleenex out of his pocket and giving it to Senku. “He’s fine now. It was just the shock of knowing the truth combined with the fact that you’d ran away, I guess.” 

They stayed silent for a few minutes, Senku taking deep breaths and trying to calm down.

“I’m sorry we told him.” Ukyo finally said, lowering his gaze. The blonde stretched his arm and took his hand, lightly squeezing it.

“It’s okay.” Senku reassured him in a whisper, and he closed his eyes for a brief second. “He deserves to know. I’m just disappointed that it was in those circumstances.” 

“He wants to see you.” 

Ukyo’s words made him still for a second, blinking a few times in an effort to process them. Senku took a deep breath, trying to calm down, before looking back at his friend. “Okay, tell him to come.”

The blonde nodded before standing up, giving one last squeeze to Senku’s hand before going out. 

He took some deep breaths, trying to calm down and not cry just with the thought of seeing Gen like this when the door opened. His eyes darted that way, his heart stopping for a second when his eyes met his best friend’s.

Gen lowered his head, taking a deep breath, before walking over to Senku’s bed. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the words forming a lump on the blonde’s throat, and before he could realize what he was doing Gen lied down next to him.

The hospital bed was too small for both of them, but somehow Gen managed to squeeze himself in, curling against Senku’s side and resting his head on his shoulder. The blonde wanted to turn around and wrap his arms around him, but the serum he was connected to didn’t let him move much at all. 

Gen nuzzled against his neck, one of his arms draped over Senku’s stomach, and then the blonde started hearing his almost soundless sobs. He closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath, and before he could stop himself he felt the tears run down his cheeks again.

His neck and face were getting wet with Gen’s and his tears, but he couldn’t care less. He rested his free hand on his best friend’s nape, his fingers running through his hair in an attempt to soothe him. Words weren’t even an option, the lump on his throat only growing bigger every time he remembered Gen was like this because of him.

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, both of them silently crying while clinging to each other, until Senku drifted into an uneasy sleep.

  
  
  


“So, I can go home?” Senku asked for the third time, following the nurse’s every movement with his eyes. 

She looked away from the gauze she was preparing to put on Senku’s arm and smiled. “I already told you yes. Do you want to stay?” She asked in a chuckle, and the blonde shook his head.

He had woken up a few minutes ago. Gen wasn’t on the bed anymore, and Tsukasa had fallen asleep on the chair next to his bed. The brunette was now watching the nurse in silence, waiting for her to finish so he could help drive Senku home. He’d be excited to go if his father wasn’t home and Gen hadn’t decided to sleep at Ukyo’s for the next few days.

“There you go.” She said once she finished, and Senku finally sat up after what it had felt like an eternity lying down. He’d only been for ten hours at the hospital and he’d been asleep for most of it, but he was still feeling like it’d been way more than one day. 

“I brought I change of clothes for you.” Tsukasa said, standing up. 

Senku shook his head with a sigh. He needed a shower, but he wasn’t feeling strong enough to change alone, and he definitely didn’t want Tsukasa to help him. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, walking over to the bed and helping him stand up. His legs felt sore, but at least they could stand his own weight. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

  
  
  
  


The drive home was silent, Senku admiring the city with his forehead pressed against the window, while Tsukasa occasionally glanced at him, trying to make sure he was okay. 

Once his friend parked and Senku got outside of the car, it was as if his body had frozen. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down his nerves, when he felt the brunette’s hand on his shoulder.

“Everything okay?” 

“Yeah.” The blonde exhaled, closing his eyes for a brief second. “I’m just trying to gather my thoughts.” 

Senku had actually been thinking about it before, when Gen was half-lying on top of him and bawling his eyes out against his neck and on the drive back home, preparing what he was going to say to his father. 

He had made a decision, and he was hoping it’d be the right one.

They made their way up in silence, as if Tsukasa didn’t want to disturb him or his thoughts with useless small talk. The blonde was grateful for it, because somehow his friend’s silent presence made him feel relaxed. 

“Senku.” Byakuya’s heartbroken voice tone as soon as he opened the door made his defenses crumble a bit, but he didn’t think he had tears left to cry. He just let himself be wrapped around his strong arms, and pressed his face against his chest, inhaling his scent and trying his best to remain calm.

Gen should be there with them, also being hugged and comforted by Byakuya. That’s the only thing Senku could think about. 

“Let’s go inside.” Byakuya said once he pulled away from Senku, and the blonde nodded before following him to the living room. He sat down on the sofa, his gaze fixed on the floor, and waited for his father to sit down next to him. Tsukasa also sat down, his eyes fixed on Senku, as if he was expecting him to say something.

The blonde took a deep breath, and before his father could say something else he looked up at him and spoke.

“I’m sorry for not telling you before. And I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.” Byakuya nodded, reaching and holding one of his hands, lightly squeezing it to give him reassurance. “These weeks have been kind of a blur for me, and I was too lost in my thoughts to even think things through in a coherent way, but…” He stopped for a second, reconsidered his decision. “I’ve decided that I’m going to undergo the surgery.” 

Tsukasa’s shoulders relaxed, and Byakuya’s lips tugged on the corners, as if he was holding back a smile of relief. 

“That’s good. Should we contact your doctor about it?” His father asked.

Senku nodded. “Please.”

He prayed he was making the right decision. He’d been in close range with death, and he could still feel her long and slender fingers wrapping around his arm, pulling him close despite his weak attempt to fight back.

And he definitely knew now that he didn’t want to die. Not like this.

Maybe a life without feeling love wasn’t the best thing he could ask for, but it was life still. At least he’d see Gen grow up happily, fall in love, have a bright future. The same with his father and with his friends.

“You know that secondary effect is still not a hundred percent proved, Senku.” Tsukasa spoke, and the blonde turned to look at him. “There’s still hope.”

Senku nodded and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.

_There’s still hope._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the ending... I'm not ready.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment, it motivates me a lot to keep writing this story and more to come!
> 
> If you want to know about updates and other things, you can check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish)


	8. First breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days prior to the surgery.
> 
> (And the happy ending).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Hello. Here we are. 
> 
> I'm going to leave the long note for the end but I just wanted to thank everyone that has been reading, leaving kudos and commenting on this fic. It means so much to me. 
> 
> I hope you like this last chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is a small (not really, because it's 8K words long, but you get it) piece of my heart, so I hope you treat it well.
> 
> **Potential trigger warnings: explicit explanation of a lung surgery**

The new painkillers worked way better than the last ones. Senku still felt a bit of pressure on his chest, but he wasn’t nearly as drowsy or sleepy as he’d been the past week. 

He still couldn’t get Gen out of his head. He hadn't seen him since he fell asleep next to him at the hospital and no one talked about him, no matter how much he asked.

“Just tell me if he’s okay.” He’d begged to his dad a few days ago, clutching the sofa so hard his knuckles were white. “Please.”

“He’s fine, Senku.” Byakuya reassured him, but he didn’t answer any more questions regarding Gen.

The wait before his appointment with the doctor was driving him crazy. He wasn’t forced to stay home constantly, but Byakuya preferred to keep an eye on him at all times. He drove him to university and everywhere else he needed to go to, and lurked constantly near the bathroom every time Senku went.

“I’m going to get some coffee with Ukyo and Tsukasa, and they’ll drive me to the doctor’s to meet you there. Is that okay?” Senku asked, throwing one of Gen’s hoodies over his clothes and looking back at his dad.

It was one of the two or three he had left all those nights they’d slept together, preferring to get one from Senku than going back home wearing his own. If he wanted them back he hadn’t asked, or Byakuya had told him his son was growing fond of wearing them all the time. 

“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to drive you to the cafe?” 

“No, it’s fine.” The blonde answered instantly, taking his keys. “They’re coming over to pick me up.”

It was a lie, but it left Byakuya relaxed enough to let him go. Senku walked down the stairs calmly, untangling his earphones while humming a random song.

He took a deep breath once he got outside, appreciating the cool air even if his lungs still stung a bit every time he breathed in too deep.

The walk over to the cafe wasn’t even that long, but Senku still appreciated the alone time. He had been too busy being with his dad and trying to go to class as much as he could to even stop for a second and think through all the events of the past few weeks, but no matter what his train of thought was, it always ended on the same person: Gen.

He hid his hands on his sweater paws just at the thought of his best friend, and covered his nose with the collar of the hoodie to inhale his scent. Did Gen miss him just as much as he was missing him? Was he angry? Did he go to the hospital room to see him one last time, as a goodbye? 

Senku shook his head, trying to stop asking himself questions he didn’t know the answers to, when he saw Tsukasa and Ukyo outside the cafe. The blonde got closer to them and hugged Ukyo.

“How are you?” 

“Better.” Senku answered, feeling Tsukasa’s hand on his shoulder. He backed away from both of them with a smile. “Let’s go get the coffee. My appointment is in less than two hours.”

They decided to sit outside, the inside of the coffee shop filled with people talking and music. Tsukasa went to order for the three of them, while Ukyo and Senku settled on the farthest table they found.

“How’s Gen?” The blonde asked as soon as he had sat. Ukyo sighed with a smile, looking at the hoodie Senku was wearing before focusing back on his crimson eyes. 

“Is that the only thing you’re worried about?” He asked, not annoyed, but with a hint of amusement on his voice.

It wasn’t, they both knew it. He had a thousand other things to worry about until his surgery next week, but there was a priority. “Yes.” Senku lied, and Ukyo sighed again, folding his arms and leaning back on the chair.

“There’s no need to worry. He’s fine.” The blonde finally said, but that wasn’t enough for Senku. He raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to keep talking. “Not doing much. Just trying his best to continue with his normal life, learning to deal with grief.”

“Grief?” Senku asked, but before Ukyo could respond Tsukasa appeared with their coffees, leaving them on the table before sitting down next to them. 

Ukyo poured the sugar into the coffee and stirred it with an astounding calmness, Tsukasa’s gaze traveling from the silver-haired boy to Senku, who was almost at the edge of his seat, waiting for Ukyo to talk. 

“Not grief per se, but the fact that after the surgery your relationship with him is going to change forever.” He explained, taking a sip of the coffee. 

Senku frowned, looking for a brief second at Tsukasa, who shrugged. “I think it has already changed.” He finally said, and Ukyo hummed.

“I guess it has.”

“Is he angry?” He asked in almost a whisper. The answer was possibly his biggest fear, but he needed to know. If Gen wasn’t angry, maybe he could fix it some way, maybe he could go over to their house and just…

“No, no. He isn’t. He can’t be angry with you.” Tsukasa said instantly, shaking his head. 

Senku pursed his lips, looking at his friends’ expressions before taking a sip of his coffee. A thousand questions were running wild inside his mind, but he had to organize his thoughts if he wanted to get some answers. 

“Is he sad because he’s the cause of it or because he feels like he could’ve changed things?” The blonde asked finally, leaving his cup on the table before looking up at Ukyo.

“What are you asking, exactly?” Tsukasa queried, his brown eyes fixed on Senku. 

The blonde held his gaze for a few seconds, as if he was silently questioning him for asking even though he knew the answer. He looked back at Ukyo, who raised his eyebrows, waiting for the him, and Senku sighed before talking again.

“Does he also have feelings for me?” He blurted, the weight of the words lifting off his shoulders. 

That question had been in the back of his mind for what had seemed like ages, constantly annoying and filling him with anxiety. Surely the answer was no, but there was some part of him, a teeny tiny part controlled purely by his heart that firmly believed his feelings were returned, in the exact clumsy and chaotic way the blonde loved Gen. 

“Now, we aren’t the one you should be asking this to.” Ukyo smiled. Senku sighed, leaning back on the chair and rubbing his face frustrated. He looked back at Tsukasa, but his friend just shrugged, as if he couldn’t fight against Ukyo’s words. 

“I just want to see him.” Senku whispered, defeated, and briefly closed his eyes when he felt the brunette’s hand on his shoulder, trying to give him some reassurance.

“We know. He just wants to see you too.”

It wasn’t enough, but the blonde forced himself to find comfort in those words. If nothing, they’d confirmed something to him; Gen was almost as desperate to see him as he was. That relaxed him in some way he hadn’t known before. 

Maybe he also asked about him every day. Maybe he also was in every thought he had, every breath he took. 

  
  
  
  


“The surgery is going to be pretty invasive.” The surgeon informed, looking over the papers before concentrating back on Senku. The blonde had his eyes fixed on him, trying to absorb every bit of the information he was being given. “We are going to make a cut from the middle of the chest to your back, and after pushing two ribs away from each other just enough to have space, I’ll make a small cut on your lung and start removing the flowers.”

“I’m going to be asleep the whole time, aren’t I?” Senku asked hesitantly, his whole body tense. 

“Yes, of course. The surgery will take between three and five hours, depending on the number of flowers we have to remove.” 

Byakuya, who had been silently listening the whole time, looked over at the surgeon with worry in his eyes. “How long will it take for him to recover?” 

“Between 5 and 7 days. You’ll have to be connected to some chest tubes that drain the liquid and air that may have entered your body during the procedure until the lung has fully inflated back.” He explained, his eyes never leaving Senku’s face, trying to pick up on every expression the blonde had.

“And when would the surgery for the other lung take place?” Byakuya asked, one of his hands gripping his son’s and lightly squeezing it.

“We’ll have to see his recovery first, but I’d say a month or two.” 

Senku nodded and lowered his gaze, feeling his whole body slightly shake. “Okay.” He whispered, repeating the information on his mind silently. 

“Hey.” The doctor’s voice made him look back up. “If you haven’t already, maybe it’s the time to confess your feelings. It may go horribly wrong, or it may cure you.” Her voice was softer than ever, and the blonde thought for a second that maybe she was going to stretch her arm and cup his cheek in a motherly way. “Just think that you’re already living the worst of both. Your life could drastically change with just a few words.”

Both the surgeon and Byakuya nodded at her words, and Senku wanted to fight off the urge to scream. 

_Of course_ he wanted to confess his feelings and discover that Gen felt the exact same for him. But he couldn’t. 

It wasn’t because of the fear of being rejected —although for a long time that’d been a part of it— but because by confessing he felt that, in some twisted way that only his mind could've managed to find, he was putting pressure on Gen to return his feelings. 

And, as much as he wanted his best friend to also be in love with him, he didn’t want it to be a product of Gen forcing himself to feel something towards him in order to cure him. 

“Will you speak to him?” Byakuya asked him once they were in the car, and Senku looked away from the window to focus on his dad.

“Should I?” He asked back. “What if his response breaks my heart even more?”

Byakuya stayed silent for a few seconds, his eyes fixed on the road and his fingers lightly tapping the steering wheel. “I guess you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Senku stared at the ceiling of his bedroom, repeating the conversation with the surgeon, the doctor and his dad again and again. 

He sighed, rubbing his eyes and turned on the bed, taking his phone from the bedside table and checking his notifications. 

Taiju, Kohaku, Chrome, Yuzuriha… No signs of Gen whatsoever. 

He checked his social media; no updates since the day they were both hospitalized. 

The blonde’s finger hovered over the ‘call’ button, but in the end, he opted to send a message. He turned to the other side, eyes fixed on his mobile phone, and took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. 

He was still wearing Gen’s hoodie, and for a second it was as if the feeling of being surrounded by him came back, so bad that Senku couldn’t help but send the message.

 **Senku:** I miss you. 

I need to see you so bad.

He stared at the screen for a few seconds, and his heart jumped when ‘read’ appeared on the screen. The blonde sat up on the bed when it signaled Gen was writing a response. 

Senku worried at his bottom lip, anxiously waiting for his best friend to reply when the bubble with the three dots disappeared. 

He sighed, defeated, and locked the phone before throwing it somewhere on the mess of clothes the floor of his room was. 

No reply at all was enough answer for him.

He stood up and walked over to his bookshelf, picking up a random science book that maybe could entertain him for a bit, when his phone suddenly rang. He tossed the book to the floor and ran to find his phone. 

“Yes?” He answered breathlessly as soon as he picked it up, not even checking who was calling, his only hope being listening to Gen’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey.” Ukyo’s voice felt like a kick on the stomach for him. Senku wanted to hang up, but he opted to drop back down on the bed with a sigh. 

“Hi.” 

“How did the appointment go?” He asked, and the blonde sighed before explaining what he’d been told an hour before, his friend silently listening to all of it. 

“The doctor also told me that maybe I should think about confessi-” 

“I’m sorry, we have to go now.” Ukyo cut him off, instantly hanging up. Senku stared at the screen for a few seconds in confusion, until he processed that his friend had said. 

He opened the messaging app, ignoring Gen’s chat and how painful it was that ‘read’, before messaging Ukyo. 

**Senku:** Was I on speaker?

 **Ukyo:** Sorry, he insisted on me calling you.

The blonde stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to think of a response. There wasn’t any other thing in the world he wanted to do more than just texting ‘Tell him to stop being a coward and call me’, but he had to force himself to let Gen some space, even if it pained him. 

He stood up as soon as he started coughing, the symptoms already too familiar to him. He rushed to the bathroom and threw up a few flowers, staring at them in silence until he heard his father's steps.

“Have you taken the painkillers?” Byakuya asked on the other side of the door, and the blonde closed his eyes for a brief second before answering.

“Not yet. I have to eat something before.” Senku stood up and flushed the toilet before rinsing his mouth with a bit of mouthwash. 

“Do you want ramen?” 

He opened the door, startling Byakuya, and tried his best to put a convincing smile. “Sounds good.”

  
  
  
  


“Will we be able to visit you in the hospital?” Kohaku asked, anxiously biting the cap of her pen, her big eyes fixed on Senku. 

The blonde shrugged, evading her gaze and trying to focus on the textbook in front of him. “I don’t know. Maybe. I didn’t ask.”

Chrome sighed and leaned back on the chair, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “Aren’t you scared?” He asked in almost a whisper, noticing the people that were glaring at them for talking in the library. 

“Of course I am.” Senku chuckled nervously. “My whole life is going to change in less than three days.”

“Then why are you here?” Kohaku asked, closing the notebook in front of her and focusing completely on Senku. 

The blonde blinked once, twice, confused. “What do you mean?”

Kohaku sighed and looked over at Chrome for a second, who seemed to have picked up the blonde girl’s intention. 

“What is a place or something you like to do that you _love_?” She asked, and they both patiently waited for Senku’s answer, leaning over the table towards him a bit, with curiosity.

“Well, I like going to the National Museum of Nature and Science,” The blonde started after a few seconds in silence, his gaze jumping from Kohaku to Chrome. “I used to go there when I was a kid, and then my father would go with me to eat some pancakes in a restaurant near it…” Before he could continue, Kohaku stood up.

“Let’s go.” She said, taking her things and shoving them into her backpack carelessly. Chrome stood up and imitated her under Senku’s confused gaze.

“What are you doing?” He asked, and the blonde girl looked over at him with a sigh.

“We’re going over there, dummy. Come on.” She said, taking Senku’s things and putting them inside his backpack.

“But we have class.”

“Fuck class.” They both said in unison, Kohaku swinging the blonde’s backpack over her shoulder and grabbing him by the wrist. “Let’s go.”

Senku let his friends drag him out of the library and to Chrome’s car without giving any resistance, dropping down on the passenger’s seat, and just staring at the brunette in confusion (and excitement).

“Should we call someone else and tell them to come?” Kohaku asked from the back of the car, and for a second they both looked over at Senku, who shrugged.

“Maybe we should all have pancakes together? After we go to the museum.” The blonde suggested. His friends nodded, and Kohaku instantly pulled out her mobile phone and started texting, while Chrome started the car and exited the university parking.

The drive to the museum was shorter than Senku remembered, and they luckily found a place to park near it. 

They had a free pass because of their student ID, the blonde instantly picking up the notebooks with information that were at the entrance before hurrying to the dark hallways filled with information of experiments, fun facts of science and a thousand other things. 

He occasionally talked with Chrome about some of the things that were in display, feeling Kohaku near them but not chiming in on the conversation. 

In some way, it was comforting knowing that they were both there silently supporting him, the overwhelming feelings of all of it starting to creep up inside his body.

They had to stop a few times so Senku could catch his breath, which frustrated him. He was nineteen and out of breath because of walking through a museum, could it be worse?

He was staring at a huge display of a picture of all the constellations when he felt the tears threatening to leave his eyes. He took a deep breath, feeling a lump on his throat, but didn’t do much to stop himself from crying.

How was it going to be after the surgery? If he couldn’t feel love towards all the things that made him happy, would he even feel happiness at all? Was his interest and curiosity towards science going to fade away, because he wouldn’t get the thrill he was used to getting every time he read something or just _thought_ about doing an experiment?

What was he even going to feel towards his dad or his friends?

_What was he even going to feel towards Gen?_

“Oh my god, are you crying over stars?” Kohaku said with a scowl, staring at him attentively.

Senku laughed wetly, shaking his head, and he swallowed his pride when he said the truth. “I’m crying because I’m going to miss all this. Science. You. Everything.”

Kohaku and Chrome stared at him for a few seconds, until the blonde girl whispered a soft “Oh” before pulling Senku into a tight hug. He felt the brunette’s arms wrap around them too, and for a second he stayed there, his eyes closed and a bunch of tears streaming down his cheeks, letting his friends hug him as if their lives depended on it. 

“You can’t say you’re going to miss it. You’re not going anywhere.” Chrome said against Senku’s hair, hugging them even more tightly, and the blonde nodded, even if he knew his friend had understood his words.

“We love you so much, Senku.” Kohaku whispered, pressing her face against the blonde’s neck. He felt her tears wet his t-shirt, but he didn’t complain, just hugged her even tighter.

“I love you too.” He whispered. 

They stayed like that for a few seconds, until they backed away and wiped their tears away from their faces in silence. 

Senku brought his attention back to the image of the constellations, muttering every name under his breath until Kohaku talked again. “Ukyo just texted me saying they’re on the entrance to the museum.” 

The blonde stilled, and looked over at his friends. “Is Gen coming?” 

The question left his mouth before he could stop himself, his eyes flickering from Chrome to Kohaku anxiously. His friends looked at each other for a moment, and then they shrugged. “I don’t know.” The blonde girl answered finally with an apologetic look. “Do you want me to ask?”

“No, no. It’s okay.” He instantly said, shaking his head. “Let’s go.”

They didn’t object, but Senku noticed his friend’s worried looks when they followed him out of the museum. He knew he sounded and looked like an idiot asking about Gen every time he could, but the thought of just going to surgery on Friday without seeing him one last time was eating him up inside. 

He didn’t even feel disappointed when he didn’t see Gen outside with the rest of his friends. Senku supposed he was already getting numb to it, his best friend’s presence something that he hadn’t experienced in more than a week. 

He needed to see him. He needed it so badly.

“Hello.” Tsukasa put his arm around Senku’s shoulder, and the blonde just let him hug him without resistance, too lost in thought. “How are you?” He asked, and Senku looked up at him. 

“Good.” He exhaled, feeling out of breath. “A little bit tired.”

Kohaku must’ve heard their exchange, because before anyone else walked over to Senku to greet him and ask him how he was, she clapped her hands, stealing everyone’s attention. “Let’s go get pancakes.”

He smiled when Yuzuriha wrapped her arms around his waist, and he hugged her friend while everyone else started walking towards the restaurant. 

“Have you talked with Gen?” She asked, looking up at him, and Senku felt a pang in his chest. 

“No,” The blonde sighed. “Not yet.”

A part of him knew he wasn’t going to see Gen until after the surgery, or maybe his best friend was going to disappear from his life altogether. But, secretly, he wasn’t losing his hope, and everywhere he went, no matter if he was in the metro or in the university or in a random coffee shop, his eyes were always scanning the crowd, his ears were always alert in case someone called his name, and his heart was waiting. Waiting for the moment it’d jump when he recognized Gen amidst all the people, and he’d finally be able to see him, hug him, kiss him…

“Senku.” Yuzuriha’s voice pulled him back to reality. “You’re breathing hard. Are you okay?” The brunette girl was looking up at him worried, and only when she said it he noticed the pressure on his chest. 

“Yeah, sorry. I’m okay.” He reassured her, nervously fiddling with one of the buttons of his shirt. “I just have to take a painkiller.” 

“Do you want to sit down for a second?” She asked, one of her hands resting on his back. 

“No, really. I’m fine.” Senku insisted, and even if Yuzuriha looked at him with reproach, she didn’t say anything else. 

The restaurant was almost completely empty, and they decided to take the biggest table they could find. Senku sat in between Ukyo and Taiju, while Tsukasa and Kohaku went over to the counter to order pancakes for all of them. 

“At what time is the surgery?” Taiju asked, his hands distractedly playing with a napkin.

Senku rested his head on his friend’s shoulder before answering. “5 pm, but I doubt I’ll go out before it. They told me I can’t take any painkillers that day so maybe I won’t be able to move at all.”

They all nodded in silence, their gazes uncomfortably fixed on the table or on Tsukasa and Kohaku, who were still ordering. 

“But don’t worry.” Senku said sitting up straight with a smile. “We can hang out once I get out of the hospital. Buy some pizzas and watch a movie over at my house.”

They all smiled and nodded, some muttering “that sounds good”. The blonde smiled when he felt Ukyo’s hand on his thigh, lightly squeezing.

“You better recover as fast as possible so we can do it.” He said with a smile.

Senku nodded. “I promise my lung will be up and running in no time.”

They all chuckled, but the silence fell on the table once again until Tsukasa and Kohaku brought the pancakes. 

One conversation after another kept them all relaxed, sometimes laughing or even joking, but Senku noticed the small silences and the drawn breaths each time someone mentioned Gen, or when they recalled parties from high school they all had attended back then.

He also noticed the way all of them looked at him when he grabbed the painkiller box out of his backpack and took one of them, until Ukyo talked again and everyone resumed their conversation. 

Staring at his friends, Senku noticed that maybe the subtle attitude changes had been his fault for not being able to manage what was happening with him earlier, but another part of him screamed that they knew something he didn’t. 

His eyes were fixed on Tsukasa and Yuzuriha, who were talking under their breath something that seemed important when his phone rang. He picked it up fast, feeling like an idiot when he saw it was just his dad.

“Yes?”

“Have you finished classes already? Do you want me to go pick you up?” Byakuya asked, and Senku instantly answered.

“No, it’s fine.” He shook his head, even if his father couldn’t see it. “I went to the museum with my friends, and we’re having pancakes right now. Someone will drive me home, don’t worry.”

“Okay! Have fun.” 

Senku put his phone back in his pocket once his father hung up, and smiled at his friends, who were looking at him in silence.

“Chrome and I can drive you home later if you want.” Kohaku offered.

“I’ll drive you home.” Tsukasa said at the same time as the blonde girl, and they all laughed.

Kohaku glared at the brunette with a pout. “No, _we’ll_ do it.”

“He prefers my car better.” Tsukasa said with a sly smile before looking back at the blonde. “Don’t you?”

Senku chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t care, really.”

“Then it’s settled.” Both Tsukasa and Kohaku said at the same time, and they turned around towards the other, making the rest laugh. 

The blonde took for a second the image of all his friends laughing, bickering and having fun, and he wished that wouldn’t change ever. 

“God, I love you guys.” He said without thinking it twice, and before he could process the words that had escaped from his lips, he felt Taiju and Ukyo’s arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“We love you too.” 

  
  
  
  


Senku had been smart enough to wait until late at night to take the last painkiller, so when he woke up the day of the surgery the pressure on his chest wasn’t as bad. 

He was nervous, more than he’d ever been in his whole life, and he hadn’t slept near as much as he’d wished to. Most of the night he’d spent looking out the window to the view of the city, taking deep breaths and feeling the incapacity of his lungs to take as much air as possible. 

He’d finally fell asleep, curled up on the mattress wearing only his underwear and one of Gen’s hoodies, which didn’t even smell like him anymore. He had been wearing them so much that his best friend’s scent had been replaced with his own, failing on the purpose of giving Senku some type of comfort.

The blonde turned around on the bed and pressed his face against the pillow with a groan, closing his eyes again. He shouldn’t sleep more because he’d have plenty of time at the hospital and he still needed to pack some things for his stay there, but his body didn’t find the strength to do it.

He hummed when he heard a light knock on his door, and opened his eyes to find his father staring at him.

“Good morning.” Senku didn’t respond, just hummed again, closing his eyes again. “We have to go buy some things for your stay at the hospital, are you coming?” 

Senku stayed silent a few seconds, until he opened one eye and looked at his father. “Will you make me pancakes for breakfast if I go with you?” 

Byakuya smiled fondly and nodded. “Whatever you want.”

That was enough to get him out of bed and have breakfast with his dad —those had been the best pancakes he’d eaten in his life, but he wasn’t sure if it was because in some way he was saying goodbye to them or because Byakuya had tried his best to make them perfect so Senku would cheer up.

“What do we have to buy?” He asked once they got in the car. His father tossed him a list with basic things, and for a second Senku regretted coming with him because he felt sleep crawl inside him, but at the same time he wanted to spend time with him.

“We won’t take long.”

It was true; it wasn’t that bad. Senku spent most of the time just following his father around and responding to messages his friend had sent him, asking him how’d he spent the night and wishing him good luck. 

He opened Gen’s chat, which was exactly the same as he’d last checked it (last night, maybe five or six times), the message he’d sent him a few days ago still there, read, no response at all.

“I think that’s it.” Byakuya turned to look at him, and Senku looked up at his dad, silently thanking him from pulling him away from his train of thought. “Do you want anything else?” 

“No, I’m sure that’s enough.” He said, putting his phone away and following his dad to the cashier. 

The blonde was feeling the pressure on his chest increasing the more time he spent walking and standing up, but he didn’t want to hurry up his dad to going back to the car. Senku tried his best to patiently wait while Byakuya got all the bags (he didn’t let him carry any of them, explaining that carrying heavy things surely couldn’t be good for his lungs), and followed him to the car. 

Once they were seated, his dad turned to look at him before starting the car, a serious look on his face. “Do you want to go somewhere else? A bookstore maybe?” 

Senku stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking of a place they could go. His mind always ended up in the same place, no matter how hard he was trying to think of somewhere else, and he finally gave in. “Can we go to Ukyo and Tsukasa’s house?” He said in a low voice, a bit embarrassed by his insistence, but he couldn’t help it. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Byakuya said, looking at him worried, and Senku felt the tears gather up in his eyes.

He leaned forward, grabbing the sleeve of his father’s shirt and looking up at him. “Please,” He said, the want to cry making a lump form in his throat. “Please.” The blonde repeated again, almost in a whisper.

Byakuya stared at him for a few seconds, a brokenhearted expression on his face, until he sighed and wrapped his arms around Senku’s body, hugging him. “Okay, okay. Let’s go.”

Senku slumped back down on his seat, trying to calm down his wild crying and the guiltiness that was starting to pool on the pit of his stomach. 

After a few minutes in silence, Byakuya asked what the blonde wasn’t brave enough to. “What if Gen doesn’t want to see you?”

The blonde closed his eyes, taking a strained deep breath, ignoring the pressure that was getting stronger on his chest, before answering. “I’ll just go. I can’t force him to do anything.”

Byakuya nodded, his eyes fixed on the road. “Can I ask…” Senku turned towards him, waiting for him to continue the question. “Since when are you in love with him?” 

Senku chuckled wetly, wiping his tears away and lightly shaking his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ve always been. Who knows.”

“Do you think he feels the same way towards you?”

He stayed silent for a few seconds, truly reflecting on the events of the past months and trying to reach a conclusion.

Of course he wanted to say yes. He couldn’t help but think that the hugs, the kisses, the night of the party… They had all been Gen’s way of telling him he wanted him too, but he had to be realistic. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t guess his feelings. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Maybe I’ll never know.”

Byakuya nodded, his eyes never leaving the road, but Senku noticed the way he was gripping the steering wheel and the way his whole body was tense.

“I’m sorry.” Senku whispered. “It was too late before I realized I couldn’t really control my feelings.”

“Don’t apologize.” Byakuya stretched his arm and grabbed his son’s hand, lightly squeezing it. “It’s not your fault, okay? No one can control their feelings. It’s what makes us human.”

Senku nodded, but his father’s words didn’t really comfort him. He still felt guilty for what had happened, or rather _how_ it’d happened, and seeing Gen for the last time (or trying to) was his last opportunity to do things right.

“What will you do when you see him?” Byakuya asked once they parked in front of Ukyo and Tsukasa’s house, and Senku exhaled nervously.

“I don’t know. I haven’t even prepared a speech.”

They both chuckled, but his father patted his head. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Senku got out of the car feeling a lump on his throat, but no matter how nervous he was feeling or how insistent the pressure on his chest was, he walked over to the entrance and rang on the intercom. 

The seconds he had to wait until Ukyo responded seemed like an eternity, and Senku was about to turn around and tell his father that maybe they weren’t home when he finally heard his friend’s voice. “Yes?”

“Ukyo.” He sounded so desperate a part of him was internally cringing. “Can I come up?” 

Silence. “Senku, are you sure?” 

The blonde brushed the hair out of his face and sighed. “Yes, please.”

A buzz signaled that Ukyo had opened the door, and Senku instantly darted into the hall. He walked to the elevator, followed by his father, and took a deep breath before pressing the button.

The elevator ride was in complete silence, Senku occasionally muttering words under his breath in an attempt to organize his thoughts, while his father just patiently stood there in silence. 

Ukyo was waiting at the door when they arrived at the 8th floor, and he instantly opened his arms to hug Senku.

“Tsukasa is at the library studying, so it’s only Gen and me.” 

Senku nodded and didn’t tear his eyes away from his friend while he greeted Byakuya, waiting for him to tell him where Gen was. 

“Gen is in the guest bedroom.” Senku nodded again and turned around. “Good luck.”

He walked over to the bedroom slowly, and even if every nerve on his body was telling him to run away, he finally approached the guest room door and lightly knocked on it. 

“Senku,” Gen’s voice was near, so the blonde guessed he was pressed against the door. “Please go.” He said weakly, and the blonde felt his heart sink. 

“I’m not going to go yet. I have something to tell you first.” Senku sat down on the floor with his back pressed against the door and sighed. “If you don’t want to listen to me just ignore it.”

He had to bit his smile when he felt Gen sit down on the floor on the other side of the door, and he let his head rest against it, closing his eyes. 

“Gen…” It sounded so good to say his name knowing that he was listening, not like the other times where he’d muttered it on his sleep or late at night between sobs. “I know you already know this but…” His voice trailed off, and he shook his head before starting again.

“Do you remember that time, I think we were six or seven, when you decided it was a good idea to dump a whole bottle of nutella on me while we were having a bath together?” He heard Gen chuckle on the other side of the door, and couldn’t help but smile with a small sense of pride. “It was gross. I smelled like chocolate for the next three days and you were obsessed with licking my cheeks to see if you could taste some of it.” He heard Gen laugh and the soft ‘bump’ of his head resting against the door. The blonde chuckled and took a deep breath. 

“Also that time you insisted on making a smoothie while my father was sleep —which obviously had nutella on it, weren’t you a bit obsessed with it?” Another laugh, and Senku didn’t know anymore if the sobs he heard were because Gen was crying from laughter or because those memories made him nostalgic or both. “And you obviously managed to not put the blender’s lid on correctly and it exploded. I think I was even angrier than my father because I had nutella all over me. Again.” They both laughed, and Senku closed his eyes. “I also remember our first day of high school. You were so scared that you clung to me the whole day, and everyone thought we were dating or that we were brothers. Or both, which was just gross.” 

Gen laughed and finally talked. “I remember a random girl tried to convince me to set you up with her because she thought you were cute, and when I said no she told me we were too close for brothers. I almost vomited in front of her.”

They laughed together again, and the silence settled for a few seconds until Senku talked again. “Remember when in one of the parties you always dragged me to, the police appeared and you thought it was a good idea to jump the backyard fence instead of walking out the entrance door?” Gen laughed hard, but Senku didn’t stop. “The dog almost bit my leg off!” He reproached, a huge smile plastered on his face.

He could almost see vividly how his best friend was surely now wiping his tears off, lightly chuckling. “It was so funny the way you fell on your ass. I think we woke up the whole neighbourhood with our laughing.”

“It wasn’t funny,” Senku complained, although he was laughing too. “I couldn’t walk straight for two days.”

Their laughter died after a minute or two, and when the blonde talked again his tone was different, more serious. 

“I remember the night when my father told me your mother had died.” He said, softly, and he heard Gen shift on the other side of the door. “I didn’t stop until he let me go to your house.” 

“You hugged me the whole night.” His best friend said, his voice thin, as if he was crying again. “I never thanked you enough for that.” 

“I think that was the first time I realized I’d do anything for you to feel better.” Senku turned his head to one side, his cheek pressing against the door. He wanted Gen to hear this clearly. “Me, a fifteen-year-old boy, ready to fight against the whole world just to protect his best friend.”

Gen didn’t say anything, so Senku continued.

“Shortly after that, I realized that maybe I liked you more than what I had thought. There were nights where you just hugged me as if I was the only solid thing in your world, and in those moments I really thought I was feeling the pain you were going through. As if we were connected.” 

“The red string.” He heard Gen whisper. The blonde took a deep breath and turned around towards the door, kneeling on the floor hardwood floor.

He could say the words. They were there, lingering on the air, a thing they both knew but that the blonde was just too scared to say. 

“Please,” He pressed one of his hands against the door, as if he was going to go through it and touch him. “One last hug. I need to feel all that again. I need to see you, touch you.”

He stood up when he heard Gen shift on the other side of the door, his whole body tense with anticipation. 

Senku saw the doorknob turn, and he looked up, his eyes meeting Gen’s, finally.

He didn’t even have a moment to study his best friend’s face, because as soon as the door opened he threw his arms around him, both of them tumbling with the force of the hug, until they finally fell onto the bed, Senku on top of him. 

The blonde had his face pressed against Gen’s hair, his arms wrapped tightly around him. 

Gen hid his face on Senku’s neck, his arms around the blonde’s waist and gripping his t-shirt for dear life. 

It was amazing how his body responded to his best friend’s touch. He didn’t feel the familiar pressure on his chest at all anymore, which hadn’t happened no matter how many painkillers he took.

They stayed like that for a minute or two, until Senku realized that maybe he was crushing Gen and pressed his knees against the bed, lifting his body a bit from top of him. 

“Gen,” He murmured, one of his hands going up to his hair and brushing through it with his fingers, in an attempt for his best friend to back away so he could see his face. He didn't seem to like it much, because he tightened his hug and nuzzled against his neck, his hands traveling all over his back and trying to push him back down against him. “I want to see your face.” He murmured. Gen shook his head against his neck and tightened his hug, making him fall back on top of him. 

Senku sighed and hugged him back, kissing the top of his head and caressing his nape. He could feel his neck getting wet with Gen’s tears, and tightened his hug around his shoulders, their chests pressing together. 

“Gen,” He whispered again, backing away just the tiniest bit from him. His best friend finally laid back down on the bed, facing Senku. 

His eyes were red and puffy with tears, looking at the blonde with a heartbroken expression. They were so close their noses bumped against each other, their breaths mixing. 

For a second Senku desperately thought about leaning down and kissing him, trying to erase Gen’s pain with his lips, make him forget everything that he must’ve been feeling right then, but he stopped himself. 

He cupped Gen’s cheek with his hand, his best friend leaning to the touch, and wiped his tears away with his thumb. 

Their eyes met again, and Senku realized he wouldn’t be able to repress his feelings.

“Gen,” His name sounded like a mantra, and his best friend chuckled, but didn’t say anything. Senku shifted on top of him, his forearms resting on the bed on both sides of his head and his knees on each side of his hips. Gen’s hands were still on his back, gripping his t-shirt but not pressing him down against him anymore. “I’m in love with you.” He whispered, lightly bumping his nose against Gen’s. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.” 

Their gazes didn’t tear away from each other not even for one second, and Senku started feeling the familiar tingle he got every time he was going to start vomiting flowers, but he forced himself to endure it.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said, and Gen wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly one more time. The blonde heard him sob against his neck, and even if he knew he was going to be rejected he hugged him back, turning around on the bed so Gen was the one on top of him and kissing his head, trying to calm him down. 

Senku was about to tell him it was okay for him not to return his feelings when Gen pushed himself up a bit, enough so they could look at each other again. 

“Oh god, Senku-chan.” He whispered, closing his eyes and letting his forehead rest against the blonde’s.

The pain in Senku’s chest, which had disappeared for only a few minutes of bliss appeared again, anticipating the rejection. 

“I’ve always been a coward.” Gen whispered, his eyes opening again and studying the blonde’s expression. One of his hands went up and brushed Senku’s hair away from his face, then cupped his cheek. “I’m in love with you too. Always have been.”

The blonde’s eyes widened, confused, and Gen lightly shook his head, their noses bumping again.

“I’m sorry. I was just too scared of losing you to even confess.” The tears gathered up in his eyes again, falling onto Senku’s face silently. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Senku cupped Gen’s cheeks, his eyes still wide open in surprise and fixed on his best friend. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He repeated, trying to comfort him. “I love you too, Gen. More than anything in the world.”

They both leaned towards each other, and when their lips finally met, all the pain Senku felt disappeared. His lungs didn’t feel weak with every breath anymore, the pressure on his chest was non-existent.

When they backed away shortly after, the blonde took his first deep breath, mixed with Gen’s, and he finally felt free.

He turned them around on the bed once again, hovering over his best friend, and kissed him again. Their bodies pressed together, Gen’s hands traveling all over his skin as if he couldn’t get enough of him. 

They backed away, panting, one of his hands resting on his waist, when Gen talked breathlessly. “I love you.” 

Senku kissed the corner of his lips, then his cheek, his jaw, finally descending to his neck. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” He repeated, his hands sliding under the blonde’s t-shirt. “Kiss me, please.”

He did, this time more desperately, their hands traveling all over the other’s body and trying to press them together even more. Senku needed more, wanted to cry because of the _need_ to feel Gen everywhere, as close to him as he could. 

The blonde hadn’t realized he was grinding his hips against Gen’s until his best friend gripped his hips, stopping him. 

“How are you?” He asked panting, his chest rising and falling against Senku’s.

The blonde kissed him one last time, trapping his bottom lip between his, before answering. “Better than ever.”

“We should tell your dad. You should go to the hospital.” Gen said, his hands rubbing the blonde’s back under the t-shirt.

“I want to feel you close. I need you close.” Senku kissed him again, this time shorter than before. 

“Come on. I’ll go with you.” He said, giving him one last kiss. 

It pained him backing away from him, but he pulled away from top of him, sitting down on the bed. Gen stood up and stretched his hand towards him, helping the blonde to his feet.

Senku hugged him again, his arms safely caging Gen’s head against his chest. “I can’t believe we waited this long.” He whispered.

“I can’t believe I was such a coward.” His body started to shake on Senku’s hold, and the tears were leaving his eyes before he could stop himself. “I’m sorry for making you suffer so much. It’s all my fault.” He whispered against his chest. 

“Look at me.” Senku cupped his cheek, making him look up. “It’s not exclusively your fault, okay? We both didn’t know what to do. It’s fine now. There’s no use beating ourselves up about it.” He leaned and kissed Gen softly, feeling the way his best friend’s hands felt on his waist, fisted in the fabric of his t-shirt. 

“I’m sorry.” Gen repeated. Senku just kissed him again and again until he stopped saying it. 

The blonde was pleased to know that Gen was feeling the same need to cling to him as much as possible, because he still kept his arms around his waist while they walked over to the living room, where Byakuya and Ukyo waited.

His father stood up as soon as he saw them, a hopeful smile on his face. 

“I think I don’t need the surgery anymore.” Senku said with a smile.

The next minutes were a fuss of Ukyo and Byakuya crying, laughing, hugging them tightly and saying a thousand things that the blonde nodded to, not really listening. 

“You should still go to the hospital so they can check you really don’t have any of the flowers still.” Gen said when everyone calmed down, one of his hands still gripping the blonde’s t-shirt, as if he was a toddler scared of getting lost.

“Of course, I’ll call your surgeon right away.” Byakuya said before backing away from them and taking out his mobile phone.

Gen grabbed Senku’s hand and guided him to the sofa, where they both lied down pressed against each other, occasionally leaving a kiss on the other’s cheek or forehead. If Ukyo seemed uncomfortable with seeing them like that he didn’t say a thing, just busied himself with his mobile phone and waited for Byakuya.

Senku definitely didn’t care much about it, too concentrated on the way his best friend whispered “I love you” to him again and again and again. 

  
  
  
  


While Senku and Byakuya were in the hospital, letting the surgeon make sure he had completely recovered once Gen had told him he felt the same thing —his doctor had teared up a bit and told him she hoped they stayed together a long time—, they came back home, where Gen and Ukyo had spent the whole afternoon moving over all of his best friend’s things.

Senku’s body filled with happiness when he entered his room and found Gen there, unpacking some clothes and hanging them on his wardrobe. His father had encouraged him to move in, just as he was going to do before everything happened, and Gen hadn’t been able to say no. 

“How did it go?” He asked once he saw Senku, who dropped down on the bed with a groan and closed his eyes. He climbed on the bed and curled up against him, smiling when the blonde turned on one side to wrap his arms around him.

“Good. Everything’s gone.” 

Gen hummed and kissed the blonde’s cheek, getting closer to him. Senku opened his eyes and smiled at him, feeling his chest warm. 

It was like one of those dreams he had. Gen, close to him, hugging and kissing him, with the knowledge that he loved him back. It was unreal, so much that the blonde leaned towards him and kissed him, just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

Senku’s hand slid under his best friend’s t-shirt, caressing his soft skin with a feather touch, and finally resting on his lower back. 

“Don’t you have to finish unpacking?” He asked after a few minutes of lazily making out, just enjoying the way the other’s lips felt.

“That can wait.” Gen whispered, leaning towards him to kiss him again, this time a bit more desperately.

“Me too.” Senku said with a grin. “We have all the time in the world now.” He said, kissing the corner of his mouth and moving one of his hands to his waist.

Gen smiled, his eyes shining with happy tears, and found the blonde’s mouth once again, kissing him slowly but passionately, silently apologizing to him and telling him how much he loved him. 

He threw one of his legs over Senku’s hips, getting him closer, and the blonde smiled even more. 

“I love you.” He whispered, just to savour the way the words rolled out his mouth so effortlessly but with so many feelings.

“I love you too, Senku.” Gen whispered, pressing their lips together for a second.

The blonde closed his eyes with a smile. “Say it again.” He asked in a whisper.

“I love you.” Gen kissed him again. “I love you so much.” He said between kisses, smiling when Senku chuckled and pulled him even closer.

“Me too. I love you.” 

They both grinned and Senku hugged him even tightly, looking out the window at the way the sky was getting dark and the city lights looked like tiny stars, when he felt Gen’s hand intertwine with his, their pinky fingers finding each other once again. 

Senku closed his eyes, his body buzzing with contentment.

He could finally breathe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> I have so many things to say about this fic, but at the same time I don't want to be annoying, so I'll try to be as concise as possible:
> 
> \- This was actually going to have two endings; this one, where everyone ends up happy and no one dies, and another one where Senku refuses the surgery and even if Gen confesses to him before he dies, he doesn't believe him so he isn't cured. I couldn't bring myself to write it, so I decided to just stick to the happy one and not beat myself and the readers up even more.
> 
> \- Also, the confession scene was going to be different: Gen was going to appear in the hospital just before Senku went to surgery, and after pulling him out of the building because he wants to talk with him, he confesses. I realised that their whole interactions had been quite intimate during the whole fic, so writing that was quite out of place for them; then the scene where they're both sat on each side of a closed door came to me (I think it holds much more symbolism and meaning than a scene straight up of any dramatic film you can see on tv), so I think I made a good decision in changing that.
> 
> \- If you want to listen to two of the songs that inspired me the most while I was writing this, here you have: [SEVENTEEN's 舞い落ちる花びら (Fallin’ Flower)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4iDL3c0T1c), from which I got the title and [Colde's "Love is a flower"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06BEpkgkTn0), which in some way felt like it was the song form of all of Senku's feelings (I listened to the whole album on repeat while I wrote this last chapter).
> 
> \- I think this is the longest thing I've ever written, which is CRAZY.
> 
> I couldn't have done it if it wasn't for all the positive feedback, so thank you so much.
> 
> I'm obviously going to keep writing stories and posting them here, so stay tuned for that. As I always say, you can follow me on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/ukyoish) for updates and other things, and if you want to support me, here is my [tip jar](https://ko-fi.com/ukyoish).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I did. Please leave a comment, I'll try to respond to all of them for once (although I'm horrible at it, sorry).
> 
> Let's see each other next week with the new fic I'm going to start posting! Love you 💕


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